In Your Stead
by Boondock Winchester
Summary: Sam couldn't stand Dean dying for him, so he decided to take his place. Spoiler for end of S2 and through S3. Alternate for Sam's visit to see the Crossroad's Demon in S3. Wincest. Angst. Rating for last 'chapter'
1. New Deal

I do not own _Supernatural_, Sam or Dean Winchester, blah, blah.  
Okay, this is an alternate to the Sam's visit to see the Crossroad's Demon in season 3. I ad half expected this to happen and it didn't so…I thought I'd run it by you guys and see what you thought. This is the exact dialog from the episode up until the point when I changed it. It should be pretty obvious where that is. **This does contain Wincest for those who care!!** I may repost this as not Wincest for the people who do not like it. I don't know. I'll see how this one goes first. Anyway, enough from me. Enjoy!

Oh, and for those who are angry at me for not posting a sequel to 'Unlikely Romance', I promise that it is coming. I just have so much stuff going on. .

Sam sat in the Impala, second guessing his next move. Looking up to the middle of the crossroads, he fiddled with the wooden box he held in his lap. There was still one ingredient he needed in order for it to work and he had the false ID in his pocket, ready to be added.

He licked his dry lips in anticipation before he sighed and opened the car door, stepping out. He slowly walked along the dirt path until he was in the intersection of the four roads. Looking around, he tried to gauge where exactly dead center was. Once found, he kneeled and dug a shallow hole with his hands. Swallowing hard, he opened the box and took out the fake ID with his picture on it. He fingered it for a moment as he contemplated on his actions and the reproductions it would bring.

He knew Dean would be pissed if he ever found out. Correction: Dean would he beyond livid and probably kill him on the spot. But he had to do this. He didn't have a choice. He couldn't just let his brother die without some kind of a fight. He couldn't let the only person he's ever loved die because of him.

Yes, Sam was in love with his older brother, Dean Winchester. He knew it was wrong; he knew he should never feel this way; he knew it was the biggest taboo there was. But he also knew that despite all of that, there was no denying how he felt. He had accepted it long ago, just before he had decided to start looking at respectable colleges to apply for. Dean was the whole reason behind his wanting to leave. He had to get away from his brother. He was afraid of ever letting his brother know how he felt. He was afraid that if Dean ever found out, he would be horribly disgusted, call him a freak, and run the other way demanding he stay away. Sam could never live through that. He could never stand Dean rejecting him so completely. Then when Dean had come back and asked him to help find their father, all of the emotions he had repressed through Jessica came back like a hurricane on his heart. But no matter what, he had kept his secret. He had to. He could never live without Dean. Not anymore.

He had to do this. For Dean.

With a heavy sigh, Sam put the ID in the box, closed it, and placed it in the hole he had made. Putting the dirt back and patting it nicely, he stood and waited for his invited guest to arrive. His heart hammered as he looked around the disserted roads waiting for what could be his executioner.

"Well, little Sammy Winchester."

Sam turned at the voice quickly to see a beautiful brunet with red-as-blood eyes.

"I'm touched. I mean, your brother's been to see me twice, but you…I never had the pleasure."

Sam swallowed hard as he watched her eyes change to a cool brown. "What can I do for you, Sam?"

_No backing down now._ He pulled the Colt out from the back of his jeans and trained it on the crossroads demon as a smile somehow made it onto his face but not his eyes. "You can beg for your life."

The demon was completely unfazed as she looked at Sam with a slightly peeved expression but keeping the smile for appearances. "We were having such a nice conversation. Then you had to go and ruin the mood."

"If I were you, I'd drop the wise cracks and start acting scared."

She smiled wider at his arrogance. "It's not my style." It was at that time that she realized just what she was up against as she looked at the gun. "That's not the original Colt. Where did you get that?"

Sam held his expression tight and refused to answer. But the demon was smarter than he hoped as a look of realization spread across her face. "Ruby. Had to be. She is such a pain in my ass." She narrowed her eyes in accusation. "She'll get what's coming to her. You can count on it."

"That's enough," Sam answered quickly. "I came here to make you an offer."

She chuckled a bit. "You're going to make me an offer? That's adorable."

Sam wasn't amused. "You can let Dean out of his deal right now. He lives, I live, you live. Everyone goes home happy. Or," he cocked the gun as she rolled her eyes, obviously unimpressed, "you stop breathing. Permanently."

Now, she seemed a bit interested as she adopted an amused smirk. "Oh." She laughed softly as she walked forward. Sam moved to the side and let her pass, his gun still trained on her, until he stood right behind her. "All this tough talk. I have to tell you, it's not very convincing. I mean, come on, Sam. Do you even want to break the deal?"

Sam didn't understand where she was going with this. "What do you think?"

The demon turned and faced Sam with a curious smirk. "I don't know." She took a few steps forward for dramatic effect. "Aren't you tired of cleaning up Dean's messes? Of dealing with that broken psyche of his? Aren't you tired of being bossed around like a snot-nosed little brother? You're stronger than Dean. You're better than him."

It was easy to see that she was getting to him with the way he re-gripped the gun.

"Admit it," she continued. "You're here, going through the motions, but the truth is, you'll be a tiny bit relieved when he's gone."

"Shut up."

"No more desperate, sloppy, needy Dean. You can finally…be free."

Now Sam was getting angry. "I said _Shut. Up._"

Her amused expression melted into one that was eerily calculating. "Huh. Death protest too much if you ask me."

"Alright. I've had enough of your crap," Sam said as he glared at her. "You let Dean out of his deal. Right now."

She shook her head. "Sorry, sweetheart." She walked past Sam until she stood facing away from him. "But your brother's an adult. He made that deal of his own free will; fare and square. It's iron clad."

"Every deal can be broken."

She turned back to face him again with a cocky grin. "Not this one."

Sam shrugged one shoulder. "Fine. Then I'll kill you. If your gone, so's the deal."

Her elegant laugh sounded once more. "Guess again."

Sam's heart stopped for a moment at her reply. "What?"

"Sam, I'm just a saleswoman. I got a boss like everybody. _He_ holds the contract, not me. He wants Dean's soul, bad. And believe me, he's not gonna let it go."

No, she couldn't be right. Demons lie. It was a fact of life…and death. "You're bluffing."

"Am I? Shoot me, if it'll get you off. But the deal still holds. And when Dean's time is up, he's getting dragged into the pit."

Sam reluctantly lowered his weapon. "And who's your boss? Who holds the contract?" He had to know. He had to free Dean, no matter what.

She chuckled softly as she stepped forward. "He's not as cuddly as me, I can tell you that."

"Who is he?" he asked getting quite impatient.

She hesitated before she finally answered, "I can't tell you." Sam's heart tore in two. "I'm sorry, Sam. But there's no way out of this one. Not this time."

Devastated, Sam looked off to the side, hoping that he could find some kind of answer. Closing his eyes, he knew that there was only one thing left for him to do. He had hoped and even prayed that it wouldn't come to this, but he didn't have a choice. He just hoped that Dean wouldn't hate him.

"Okay."

"Sorry, couldn't quite catch that," she said as she tilted her ear toward him a bit.

He nodded as if assuring himself. "I'll make you another deal."

She sighed. "Again with the deals? Honey, there is nothing you could offer me that—"

"Let me take Dean's place."

She paused at that. "Pardon me?"

"You heard me. Instead of Dean's soul, take mine. I'll even settle for only taking what time he has left."

She looked surprised, her mouth slightly agape and brows nearly at her hairline. "Well, this is quite unexpected, I must say."

Sam's grip on the Colt tightened as did his jaw. "It's a good trade. It was once my destiny to lead the demon army to victory. I'm much more valuable than Dean ever will be."

"That's arguable."

Sam whispered a grunt. "You know it's not. Your boss, whoever he is, you and I both know it's really me he wants. It's what everyone of your kind wants. And their all trying to get to me though my brother."

The demon's mask chipped ever so slightly. Sam smiled bitterly.

"That's right. I know about all that. It really wasn't all that hard to figure out. I'm actually a little surprised the others haven't already. You demons all want to take Dean away from me because you all know that only one of two things will come from it. One: With time, I'll get over Dean's death and continue hunting you sons of bitches until every last one of you are dead. Or two: I become so emotionally distraught I'll give up all hope and give into what's inside me—the demon blood in me—and lead the legendary demon army into victory."

The demon took a large breath, her smile long gone from her lips.

Sam nodded. "You know it's up to fate as to which will happen but you're all willing to take that chance if it means I might be what you need. But you know what, now that I know, you can be assured that I will never…_never_…go to your side no matter what you do."

She started to breathe a bit more ruggedly.

Sam smirked. "Puts a bit of a crimp in your ultimate plan, doesn't it?"

"Well, you're as smart as you let on, I'll give you that," she said forcefully. "So, what are you planning, Sam? To ruin our plans by forcing me into dragging you down to hell?" She chuckled softly. "How are you so certain you won't give into the demon blood in hell? You do know that that is where humans go mad, right?" she asked mockingly.

"Trust me. I won't."

"Cocky much?"

"I've just met myself somewhere before."

The demon nodded very slowly, as if thinking everything over.

It seemed like forever until Sam just couldn't take it anymore. "Do we have a deal or not?"

The demon paused for another few moments before smiling lovingly and taking a step his way. "Sam Winchester. You baffle me. The deals your family makes. Your father's didn't come too much of a surprise. I pretty much expected Dean's. But you," she chuckled softly. "I never would have thought you'd ever have the gall to come and make a deal yourself."

Sam was getting sick and tired of her trying to control the situation. "Do we have a deal or not?" he asked a little more slowly and with more venom in his voice.

"Alright, I'll accept your deal. Dean is free of his contract and what time is left of the said bond in placed on your shoulders from this night forth. However, there is still one more little detail I would like to add."

Sam's eye twitched. "What?"

"No one can ever free you from this agreement, ever, by any means whatsoever. Neither Dean nor anyone else may offer themselves up for you, no spells are to be cast, no rituals are to be performed, and most importantly, you may not try to weasel your way out of this yourself in any way. Understood?"

Sam's jaw clenched. He realized why she was doing this but it didn't make it any easier. But what choice did he have? "Alright. I agree to your terms."

The demon's smile spread as she walked up and got right in his face. "Good boy. Then we have a deal?"

Sam stared into her face with as much loathing and revulsion he could muster before pulling her into a devastatingly deep kiss. Her lips twitched in a smile at how rough and hasty he was being but reveled in what this would mean for her kind. After several moments, Sam released her and looked into her now blood-red eyes, hissing in a low and deadly tone, "We have a deal."

So what did you guys think? I'm pretty sure that I'll be posting another chapter about when the hell hounds come and feelings will be revealed!! Dun dun DUUUNN!! Anyway, all I'm saying is don't give up on me yet. I'll be back and if not with another chapter, it will be with another story. I have a few stored away on my computer that I'll be getting out soon so, thanks everyone!!


	2. Scared

Okay, second chapter. Usual disclaimers: I do not own anything but the storyline…sort of. This is a word-for-word scene from 3.07 _Fresh Blood_ with my own twist. The end is a scene I made up on my own. It seems like something Sam would do. If you guys think I'm wrong, tell me and I'll rethink it. Please tell me what you think. I'm really interested. Thanks a lot!!

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Several days had passed and Sam still had not told Dean. He never told anyone about his personal deal. He wasn't even sure he was going to. He thought it would be better if he didn't, just so he wouldn't have to be on the bad side of Dean's temper for his last few months. So he had been playing it as though it was still Dean that was going to hell in a hand basket. He must have been a better actor than he thought because Dean seemed to have been buying it. He just hoped that he could keep it up. There were so many times he just wanted to blurt it all out but for Dean's sake, and his own, he kept it to himself.

However, Dean had been proving to be exceedingly annoying these past few nights and it was really starting to piss Sam off. The way he was being so reckless… Just because he thought he only had a little less than a year to live meant that he could dangle it over some blood-thirsty demons?

--

Sam took out the chips from their phones and was stomping on the said devices so that the ever un-cuddly Gordon Walker couldn't find them. Yeah, Walker. He was back on their trail. Damn but he's a real pain in the ass.

Dean checked the window before walking back into the room. "Sam, stay here."

Sam watched as Dean reached into his duffle in search of something. "Where you going now?"

Dean pulled out the Colt revolver and a pack of ammo. "I'm going after Gordon."

What pissed Sam off the most was that he said it as though he was just ordering pizza, not sharpening the blade for his execution. "What?"

The elder sighed heavily as he sat in a nearby chair. "You heard me."

"Well, not alone you're not." _I didn't sell my soul just so you could go on some suicide mission._

Dean started to load the revolver with precision and haste. "Sam, I don't need you to sign me a permission slip, okay? He's after you not me and he's turbo charged. I want you to stay out of harm's way. I'll take care of it."

"Well Dean, you're not going by yourself. You're going to get yourself killed."

"Just another day at the office. It's a massively dangerous day at the office," Dean said with sarcasm and an impish chuckle.

Sam didn't find any of this funny. "So what, you're the guy with nothing to lose now, huh? Oh wait, let me guess: because uh…it's because you're already dead. Right?" _I have to keep him believing._

"If the shoe fits."

"You know what man, I'm sick and tired of your old stupid kamikaze trip."

Before Sam could even finish, Dean was interrupting. "Whoa, whoa. Kamikaze? I'm more like a ninja."

"That's not funny."

"It's a little funny."

"No," Sam said forcefully, "it's not."

Dean seemed to have had enough and put the Colt down before he stood and paced to his brother. "What do you want me to do Sam, huh? Sit around all day writing sad poems about how I'm going to die? You know what, I got one." He picked up a pad of paper and pen. "Let's see, what rhymes with 'Shut Up, Sam?'"

"Dude," Sam knocked it out of Dean's hands. "Drop the attitude, Dean. Quite turning everything into a punch line. And you know something else, stop trying to act like you're not afraid."

"I'm not." The answer was quick and his tone made it quite clear that he was getting very pissed.

"You're lying. And you may as well drop it, because I can see right through you." _Because I know how you must feel._

Dean smirked coldly and walked away. "I've got no idea what you're talking about."

Sam paused before he turned. "Yeah, I do." _More than you know._ "You're scared, Dean. You're scared because your year is running out, and you're still going to hell, and you're freaked." _I'm scared, too, Dean_.

"And how do you know that?"

"Because I know you!" Sam yelled_. So scared._

Dean somehow remained calm though Sam's outburst. "Really?"

"Yeah! Because I've been following you around my entire life."

Dean looks almost surprised and…what else?

"I mean I've been looking up to you since I was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world."

Sam realized then that it was guilt. Dean had a look of guilt and sorrow as he looked to the floor.

_Is that what I'm going to feel when my time is up and I have to face Dean? What I went through before I made the deal…is that what he'll be feeling?_

He continued, though he realized that somewhere in there he stopped yelling. "And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified." The last word came out strained as his voice started to catch in his throat. "And I mean I can't blame you. It's just…" Sam's jaw flexed before he shook his head and looked away. Sam wanted to just tell him right there so he could get it off his chest and they could both deal with it. But he knew it would hurt more than it would help.

_I'm just afraid to die without telling you that I love you…as more than my big brother_.

Dean looked up. "What?" He asked it as though he really wanted to know. Needed to know.

Sam looked back, tears evident in his eyes and a clear determination on his face. _I can never tell him. I can't put him through that pain._ "It's just, I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. 'Cuz…" _Because in a few months, I won't have you anymore._ "Just 'cuz."

Dean felt like shit. He had been an ass-hole and he knew it. Sam was right. He was terrified. He was terrified for himself about going to hell, but he was most scared about leaving Sam alone to fight what took both of them to kill. Nevertheless, he nodded as a moment of silence passed between them.

"Alright. We'll hole up," Dean said after nearly a full minute, scratching his head. "Cover our scents so he can't track us, wait the night out here." He looked up to Sam, as if asking for his approval.

Sam didn't have the energy to nod, much less say anything. He felt, and was sure he looked, defeated and exhausted.

Dean looked to his little brother for a few seconds longer before finally leaving, not knowing what to say.

Sam remained where he was, grateful Dean left so he wouldn't see the tear slip down his cheek. "I love you, Dean. I'm so sorry."

SNSNSNSN

Ruby stood, completely dumfounded and even a little angry. "You're joking, right?"

Sam shifted as he leaned against the far wall, his arms crossed over his chest, and stared her directly in her eyes. "No, I'm not."

He had just finished telling her about his deal. He had had it. He couldn't keep it a secret; he had to tell someone. He figured she was the lesser of the three evils: one, of course, being Dean, the other Bobby. But that was not the only reason.

Dean had a good heart. He was a good person, though he sometimes had a hard time showing it. Hell, his stubbornness was one of the reasons Sam's heart fluttered whenever they touched. He hated that he was going to hurt Dean the way he knew his deal was going to. He thought the least he could do was 

give him what he needed once he was gone and Ruby was the only one that could do that. After his little scuffle with Gordon, and their not-so-merry holidays with Mr. and Mrs. Pagan God, Sam knew Dean would never be able to fight this war alone. That was why he was also asking her to watch over Dean when he was gone.

Ruby shook her head in utter disbelief. "I can't believe you. What the hell were you thinking?! What did you think you were going to gain by doing this?! Besides giving them what they want! Are you that dead in the head?!"

"Look, Ruby. I have my reasons, and I'm not asking you to understand them. All I'm asking is that you keep this secret, and help Dean when he needs it, because I know he will. He's going to be helpless for the first while. I'm hoping he'll just grieve and get over it, but I also know that there is a higher chance that he won't. That's what else I need your help for. I need you to help him get over my death and move on. Because this war is not going to give him the time off."

Ruby smiled, but there was no humor in it. "Let me get this straight. You want me to keep your dirty little secret, do the whole crying-shoulder bit to your pathetic excuse of a brother, and then play sidekick while he kicks demon ass?"

Sam shrugged. "I would have phrased it a bit differently but, yeah, that about sums it all up."

"You are unbelievable. All you Winchesters are! What is with you and your stubborn, macho, ideological way of always taking each other's bullets? Why is it so impossible for your family to just let things happen as they're meant to?"

Sam looked up at her then. "Meant to happen?"

Ruby's face turned to stone as she realized she may have gone a bit overboard.

Sam stood and uncrossed his arms. "Meant to happen. So what, my mother was meant to die? Jessica? My dad? Dean and I were meant to never have a home or any kind of life outside of hunting? All those people we just can't get to in time, they're all meant to suffer? What about their families? What about you?"

Ruby's whole frame tensed at that. "You don't know anything about me or my—"

"Were you meant to go to hell and become a demon?"

She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "How did you know about—"

"The Yellow-Eyed Demon clued me in on a few things here and there."

Ruby grunted out a half-hearted laugh. "Of course he did."

Sam hesitated before he continued, carefully choosing his words. "I'm sick of people trying to convince me I don't have a choice. That I'm evil—always has been and always will be. That I'm the anti-Christ, the boy-king, that will lead the demon army into victory. People always have a choice on what their life will be. Some people just make the wrong ones. I made my choice and changed my destiny, whether it's wrong or not. Now it's time you make yours: will you help me or won't you?"

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I know he ending scene was a little…well, I don't know a word for it. Anyway, let me know if that last scene was good, bad, not needed, what? Let me know what you think. I'm writing this for you!! (;-D) Thanks a lot!! See you next chapter


	3. Ruby's Own Plan

Sorry for the long update. I've just been so swamped. Working full time and going to school full time (even over summer) can be killer. Anyway, here's the next chapter. It's more from Ruby's POV and it brings a few issues to light that I've thought about in the past. I don't necessarily think any/all of these are right but I think there may be some truth to some of it. Either way, give it a try and see what you think. Thank you guys!! (Oh, btw, I'm sure some of you are saying, 'so when's the wincest coming in?' It will in time. I promise. Just sit tight and enjoy the ride.)

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It was safe to say that Ruby was not happy with the present circumstances. First, Sam Winchester had completely screwed up her plans of stopping the war by going and selling his soul to that Crossroads bitch. She was still having trouble wrapping her head around that.

What the hell had he been thinking? It was almost like he wanted them to win. Didn't he know he was the world's last hope? He was the only thing Lilith was afraid of. His power far surpassed hers and she knew it. It was why she was doing everything in her power to get him six feet under. So why take away that one single chance?

Then he has the gall to ask for her help by not only keeping his secret but be the babysitter for his lame ass brother. And as if that wasn't enough, Sam had just found out that there is another prodigy, whom she knew to be Lilith, and he was keeping that tidbit to himself.

But one of the worst parts, in her eyes at least, now they knew who she really was. Or at least who she used to be. A witch back when she still had flesh of her own. A damn powerful one, at that. She was hoping that they would never have to find out because she was afraid that little detail would make them more wary of her and not take her help as often. Fortunately it seemed the Winchester boys didn't scare that easy. She got lucky there. But she had had enough.

She was tired of one thing after another screwing with her plans and now she was going to take it all into her own hands. There was only one way to save the world and for Sam to get out of his deal. To be honest, she wasn't positive it would work for the latter, but hell, she was willing to give anything a shot at this point. That one chance was Sam's power.

She knew that Sam's power was dormant, even before the Cold Oak incident. But now with the Yellow-Eyed Demon in the ditch, they were completely hidden under the massive pile of crap humans tend to call emotion and humanity. Well, he was going to have to shovel it all out if he wanted to save his brother, not to mention the world. She knew what he needed to do, but she also knew that she needed help in order to do it. And there was only one person for the job.

Dean was walking around the perimeter of the Conquistador Motel, their home away from home for the night, when the lights started to flicker. He stopped and took note of how the very air seemed to tense. He looked to his left to the parking lot finding nothing. He looked behind him. Still nothing.

_Okay, this is a bit strange_.

Then he felt a presence to the side. Turning back to his left, he saw the silhouette of the pretty blond who had brought them more trouble than was needed, or so he saw it. Looking at her with an unamused expression, he asked, "So the Devil may care after all, is that what I'm supposed to believe?"

Ruby stepped out into the light. "I don't believe in the Devil."

Dean smiled humorlessly. "Wacky night," he said as he stepped off the curb and moved toward her. "So let me get this straight: you were human once, died, went to hell and became a…" He motioned his hand toward her as though searching for the right word.

Ruby's face remains the same as she replies in a soft tone. "Yeah." She turned and started to walk away, hoping he'd get the hint that she wanted to talk a little more privately. She knew that Sam could be anywhere listening in.

Apparently he didn't get it. "How long ago?" he asked from his same position.

She stopped. "Back when the plague was big."

Dean started to make his way toward her so he could speak in softer tones, not wanting some passerby to call the loony bin on them. "So all of them? Every damn demon…" he stopped just before her, "they were all human once?"

She turned back to face him. "Everyone I've ever met."

"Well they sure don't act like it."

"Most of them have forgotten what it means. Or even that they were. That's what happens when you go to hell, Dean. That's what hell is. Forgetting what you are."

Dean pressed his hand in his jacket pockets, smiling mockingly. "Philosophy lesson from a demon. I'll pass, thanks."

She gives him the same smirk. "It's not philosophy. It's not a metaphor. There's a real fire in the pit. Agonies you can't even imagine."

"Oh, I saw _Hell Raiser_. I get the gist."

Ruby turned and started to walk away again. "Actually, they got that pretty close. Except for all the custom leather."

Dean's eyes started to drift as a very troubling question came to mind.

Ruby turned her body his way once again and said, as if reading his mind, "The answer's yes, by the way."

He leaned forward, jutting out his ear. "Sorry?"

"Yes. The same thing will happen to you."

He blinked in surprise and disbelief.

"Might take centuries, but sooner or later hell will burn away our humanity. Every hell bound soul, every_one_, turns into something else. Turns you into us…" She nodded. "So yeah. Yeah you can count on it."

Dean looked to the pavement as realization dawned on him and he looked back up to her. "There's no way of saving me from the pit, is there?"

Ruby sighed deeply, almost as if in remorse. "No." _Only because you're not the one who needs saving._

Dean nodded, like he was accepting what she was telling him. But then a certain anger bubbled underneath. She had lied to Sam. He didn't like people giving his little brother false hope. He was always the one who had to pick up the pieces in the aftermath. He stepped closer, trying to intimidate. "Why'd you tell Sam that you could?" he hissed out.

"So he would talk to me. You Winchesters can be pretty bigoted. I needed something to help him get past the little—"

"The demon thing?" he interrupted. "That's pretty hard to get past."

She stared at him hard then, before grunting out a soft chuckle. "Look at you. Try to be all stoic. My God, it's heartbreaking."

Dean's face hardened as he was starting to become very pissed off. "Why are you telling me all this?"

Finally, she was able to get down to the business she had come out here for. She sighed, knowing there would most likely be a bit of anger on his side. "I need your help."

"Help with what?"

"With Sam. The way you stuck that demon tonight, that was pretty tough. Sam's almost there, but…not quite. You need to help me get him ready. A life without you; to fight this war on his own."

She started at him as he stared back, almost in contest. She made to walk away one last time before he called her back.

"Ruby. Why do you want us to win?"

She gave him an expression that clearly showed that he should already know. "Isn't it obvious? I'm not like them." She looked off then, as if the memories of her human days assaulted her. "I don't know why. I…I wish I was but…I'm not. I remember what it's like."

"What what's like?"

Knocked from her stupor she looked up. "Being human."

Dean looked down in pity and remorse for the girl in front of him. He had a heart, after all, and it wasn't completely made of ice and stone.

Ruby fought with herself on whether to ask what she had come to ask. "Dean." Now she had his complete attention and she stared straight into his eyes, showing him that what she said next was for his ears and his ears alone. "When I say that I need your help with Sam, you know what I mean, right?"

He had a look of confusion. "You mean to toughen him up, teach him every last detail he needs to know to—"

"No. I'm talking about his gift."

That took Dean by surprise. "His…his gift?"

"Yes. It's his only advantage in this whole ordeal. Like me, he's different, too. In more ways than one."

"Wait, what the hell are you talking about? Sam's power went away after I killed Yellow-Eyes. And he's not different," he growled the last part, irritated at how she referred to his little brother.

She smirked. "First off, a power like his doesn't just go away. It stopped coming out because Yellow-Eyes was the one that was controlling it. With him gone, it's dormant in that fuzzy stuff known as Sam's brain. I need you to help me get it out of hiding so he can learn to control it. Second of all, of course he's different. The reason he's more powerful than the other demons is because he's part human. He's controlled by his emotions, which can be pretty damn powerful if I recall. Not to mention that he was the last one standing from that little survivor challenge a while back."

"What does him being the winner, or whatever, have anything to do with his power now?"

She chuckled. "Boy, and here I thought you were quick on the draw."

He gave her an irritated glare, his mouth in a thin line.

"As each candidate was killed off, whoever killed them received their power. Not so much their specific ability, just the power in general. Did you honestly think Yellow-Eyes was just going to let power like that go to waste? Why else do you think Jake was able to learn everything he did in such a short amount of time?"

"So you're saying that, because Sam killed Jake after he opened Hell's Gate, he inherited all the others' power?"

"Yep. And there's one more factor that sets Sam out from all the rest."

"What's that?" Dean asked, not entirely sure he wanted to hear anymore.

She paused before she answered, knowing this was a sensitive subject for him. Not that she cared for the man's mental wellbeing, but it would be good to keep in a sane state of mind for the time being. "Sam's little venture when he died."

Dean's body tensed as his jaw set. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Dean," she said in a dangerously soft whisper, all humor gone. "There's one thing about hell that demons don't much like to talk about. That's that time goes by so much slower than on Earth."

Dean's heart dropped as his blood ran cold. "Are you saying that…when Sam…" he swallowed past the lump in his throat. "That when he died, he went to hell?"

She shrugged. "He had demon blood in him. I don't think the man upstairs would play nicely to our kind."

Dean's breath became labored at this new news. _But if time travels slower, then…_  
"How long was he there for?" he asked, dreading the answer deep into his core.

"It wasn't the three days he was dead for, I can tell you that. In hell, three days is more like several months, maybe even a year. It's hard to keep track because of the pain. But unfortunately for Sam, his stay was a little different than the normal residences."

"Different? What do you mean, different?" Dean asked, panic just starting to crawl up his chest.

"Think about it, Dean. You're not the only one who sent a demon or two back to the pit." She sighed heavily and shook her head. "I remember when he came down. I don't remember much, but the way they treated him…" she closed her eyes for a moment, trying to block out his screams. "That's something you can't just forget. It made me think that I was staying at the Motel 6. And because of that, his soul became weaker so much faster than the rest of us. In fact, even with just the short amount of time he was in there, he was just on the verge of becoming a demon when you brought him back."

What air Dean had in his lungs came out in a forceful wind. He felt like he had been hit in the gut with a sledgehammer. Several months? A year? An entire year his baby brother suffered in hell? Sam…a Demon?

"No. No, that can't be possible," Dean said, as if trying to convince himself. "If he had gone to hell, he would have said something, be acting different. I mean someone can't be in hell for a year and come back normal! You're wrong!"

"Would you quiet down?!" she said in a harsh whisper as she stepped closer. "And you're right. Nobody could. That's what makes Sam different. _Don't_ interrupt me," she bit out just when Dean opened his mouth to argue. "Now listen to me. You remember when he killed Jake. You remember his eyes."

Dean could never forget the eyes his little brother bore the moment he pulled the trigger…all four times. They were cold, and lifeless. He remembered thinking that, maybe this wasn't Sam that he had brought back. But then, moments later, he was back to his emotional, smart mouth ways. Dean hadn't thought about it much after that.

"You remember the priest and bartender back in Elizabethville, Ohio? You remember the way he killed Gordon Walkler, practically with his bare hands? You look me in the eye and tell me that that was all pure Samuel Winchester."

Dean's head started to spin with everything she was telling him. No, not Sammy. Sammy was…he was fine. He was going to be fine. He had to be.

"The reason he doesn't remember is because of his gift. It's keeping the memories locked away somehow. I don't understand why. My only guess is that it had something to do with the deal."

Dean shook his head slowly and looked up, his eyes making him appear tired and spent. "Why are you telling me all this?"

"I told you: I need your help with Sam. I figured that you would want to know exactly what you're up against. So, you're going to help, right?"

Dean hesitated for only a moment before he sobered up in an instant and answered in a definite, deep, solid voice. "No."

Ruby looked utterly dumfounded. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. No."

She laughed out of pure shock. "I cannot believe you. I mean, what the hell is your and Sam's problem? Do you want the world to end that badly? Because from where I'm standing, you're in the wrong set of bleachers!"

Dean wasn't fazed by her mini-rant. He simply stood there and waited his turn to speak. "I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I just refuse to help Sam become what we hunt. I refuse to make him into something supernatural. If he wants to, by all means. I have no right to stop him, though I would put up one hell of a fight. But what you're suggesting, thrusting him into this…what's to say something doesn't go wrong? What will keep him from going too far and killing himself, or becoming a full-fledged demon? Will he know what his personal limit is?" He shook his head. "No. Too many ifs and maybes. I won't risk his life on that." He turned and headed back to the room.

Ruby crossed her arms and glared daggers at the man's back. Fine then. If he wasn't going to help, she was just going to have to go the source, Sammy himself. She was hoping it wouldn't come to that but she was running out of options fast. She was just hoping he took it a bit better than his older counterpart. But, whether he took on the task or not…

"Either way, he's a dead man walking."

Dean turned around, a scathing retort right on the tip of his tongue, but when he did, the space Ruby had once occupied was empty, as was the rest of the parking lot. Save for him and the Impala. Dean's strides became quicker as he made his way to his and Sam's room. For some reason, he had a sinking feeling in the pit of his gut. Whatever it was, he didn't like it. He just needed to be near his little brother.

* * *

So what'd you guys think? Was it a bit much? It's a little longer than my other chapters by like a page. If there was anything you didn't like about it, please write and tell me so I can rethink a few things for the future. Thanks for reading!


	4. Secrets Kept

Hey guys. Back again. Sorry for the long update. School and work are kicking my ass. Thanks so much for the reviews. They really help in my motivation, though I'm sure you know that, most of you being writers yourselves. Anyway, here's the next chapter taken from 3.12 _Jus In Bello_. Hope you guys enjoy!

_We are so screwed._ Sam sat in the main room of a police station in one-horse-town Monument, Colorado. They had a few dozen demons right outside, thirsty for his and Dean's blood—though Sam was sure it was more him they were after—and the Colt nowhere in sight. Yeah, things were going swell.

His mind started to wonder to several days ago when Ruby had come to him and told him about his power and the other children. He wasn't as shocked as she thought he was going to be. He had more or less pieced some things together in his head. But what he didn't expect was her offer to help him learn to unlock his power and control it. He had told her he would think about it for a while and she didn't take to that too much. In her eyes, it was a deal-or-no-deal type arrangement and he had refused. He didn't really see any point in getting a hold on it since he would only be able to use it for a few months before his deal was finally dealt. Not to mention that her whole thing of that it could be the only thing that saves him was a bust since that loophole the Crossroad Demon made would prevent anything and anyone from saving him.

One bright side, though. Their dear old pal Special Agent Victor Hendrickson had just gotten his own taste of demonic possession. It was about damn time, too. Sam didn't think there was any other way he was going to believe they were the good guys. Well, either way, he was on their side now. That was all that mattered at the moment. At least something was going right.

His optimism was short lived when he heard a crash from one of the offices down the hall. He rushed there, seeing that everyone else was in the room, as well. He looked to the far wall to see none other than their own demonic informant.

_Speak of the devil herself._

Hendrickson was aiming his shotgun at the intruder. "How do we kill her?"

"We don't," Sam said as he pointed the agent's gun downward.

"She's a demon."

"She's here to help us."

Nancy and some nameless deputy had their heads hanging in the door way, too afraid to step in. "Are you kidding?" the man of the law asked.

Sam walked right up next to the symbol he had painted on the floor, looking the other straight in the eye.

"You gonna let me out?" Ruby asked as she panted where she stood.

Sam bent down and scraped away some of the paint with his hunting knife.

Ruby looked back up to him when he stood. "And they say chivalry's dead." She scratched her head then. "Does anyone have a breath mint?" She stepped from the Devil's Trap and headed out the office door. "Some guts splattered into my mouth while I was fighting my way in here."

Everyone went to follow, save for Sam who turned and noticed the break in the salt line on the window sill. Quickly repairing it, he followed everyone else into the main room.

"How many are out there?" Dean asked.

Ruby leaned against one of the many desks, scattered with papers and old coffee stains. "Thirty at least; that's so far."

"Oh good. Thirty. Thirty hit men all gunning for us. Who sent them?"

Ruby turned to Sam then with a genuinely disbelieving smirk. "You didn't tell Dean?"

Dean looked to Sam in surprise and confusion. Sam just stared at Ruby with hard eyes and a set jaw.

_Don't you dare_, he silently threatened.

"Huh. I'm surprised."

"Tell me what?" Dean asked, peeved that Sam hadn't looked at him yet.

"There's a big new up and comer," Ruby filled in. "Real pied piper."

"Who is he?"

Ruby turned sharply to Dean, a soft glare on her features. "Not he. Her. Her name is Lilith."

"Lilith," Dean repeated.

"She really, really want Sam's intestines on a stick. Guess she sees him as competition. "

Dean looked back to Sam. "You knew about this?"

Sam's jaw tightened still as he looked away, only looking into Dean's eyes for a moment at a time, not able to withstand the accusation.

"Well gee, Sam, is there anything else I should know?!"

"Yeah, Sammy," Ruby said, a large grin on her face. "Isn't there something you should tell big brother? No point in keeping secrets."

Sam's glare became steely. _I am warning you._

_What are you going to do about it?_ she asked right back.

Dean looked between Sam and Ruby, seeing that they were practically having an entire conversation with their eyes alone. Dean, feeling a jolt of unexpected jealousy and anger coursing through his chest, looked up to his little brother. "Sam, what the hell is she talking about?"

The called man tore his eyes away from Ruby's to look at Dean. He knew Dean wasn't just going to let this one slip. He had to improvise. "It's nothing Dean. Really. It was a while ago. There was a problem and I took care of it." Well, at least it wasn't a complete lie.

"What was it?" Dean asked.

Sam didn't quite know how to answer that one. He racked his brain, trying to find something that he could say but was coming up blank, a rare event in his case.

Ruby saw Sam's turmoil and knew that she should be reveling in it, but there were more pressing matters. "How about the two of you talk about this later." That seemed to have worked for the moment and she saw Sam pass her a somewhat grateful look before turning away. "We'll need the Colt." Sam and Dean both tensed as Dean took a seat on a neighboring desk, his mouth opening and closing like a confused blowfish.

"Where's the Colt?" she asked again.

"It got stolen," Sam answered in a small voice.

"I'm sorry. I must have blood in my ear," Ruby hissed out. "I thought I just heard you say that you were stupid enough to let the Colt get grabbed out of your thick, clumsy, idiotic hands!"

Dean slowly turned to look at Sam, clearly offended by her word choice.

Ruby stood and walked away so her back faced them. "Fantastic. That's just peachy."

Sam tied to placate her. "Ruby—"

"Shut up," she said as she put up her hand, visible to them from the wrist up over her shoulder. An uneasy silence covered them before she finally spoke again. "Fine." She slowly turned toward them. "Since I don't see that there' s any other option, there's one other way I know how to get you out of here alive."

"What's that?" Dean asked.

"I know a spell. It will vaporize every demon in a one mile radius…_myself_ _included_! So you let the Colt out of your sight, and now I have to die. So next time, be more careful. How's that for a dying wish?"

Dean stood, amazingly, though slightly out of pity. " Okay. What do we need to do?"

"Aww. You can't do anything. This spell is very specific. It calls for a person of virtue."

Dean shrugged. "I got virtue."

"Nice try," Ruby chuckled before sobering. "You're not a virgin. "

Dean full-out laughed. "Nobody's a virgin."

Ruby tilted her head slightly before her eyes wandered over to the little girl in the corner. Everyone's eyes followed.

"No," Dean said in complete disbelief. "No way." When she didn't argue and started to fidget, Dean was more surprised. "You're kidding me. You're…You're…"

"What? It's a choice. Okay?"

"Wait, so you've never…not even once? I mean, not even……Wow," he said is actual, pure amazement.

Nancy turned to Ruby, looking a little uneasy. "So, this spell," she smile brightly, "what can I do?"

Ruby got up and walk toward her. "You can hold still…while I cut your heart out of your chest."

She was shocked. "What?"

"What, are you crazy?" Dean asked, stepping toward Ruby.

Ruby was a little peeved at the resistance. "I'm offering a solution."

"You're offering to kill somebody," Dean corrected her.

"And what do you think is going to happen to this girl when the demons get in?" Ruby defended.

Nancy watched as they battled it out with words. She tried to get a word of her own in. "Excuse me…"

"We're gonna protect her, that's what," Hendrickson announced.

Ruby wasn't impressed. "Very noble."

"Excuse me?" Nancy tried again.

"You're all gonna die," Ruby stated in a matter-of-fact tone. "This is the only way—"

Dean was starting to become very defensive in the argument. "There's no way you're—"

"Would everybody please shut up?!"

Everyone quieted and turned to look back at Nancy, giving her the floor.

"All the people out there, will it save them?"

Ruby hesitated in her answer. "It'll blow the demons out of their bodies. So if their bodies are okay, yeah."

Nancy nodded slightly a few times, thinking it all over, before she decided. "I'll do it."

Dean's answer was immediate. "No."

So was Hendrickson's. "Hell no!"

"You don't need to do this," Dean assured her.

Nancy looked at him as though it was obvious why she did. "All my friends are out there."

Hendrickson stood and held his ground next to Dean. "We don't sacrifice people. We do that, we're no better than them."

Ruby turned to them, looking and sounded almost defeated. "We don't have a choice."

"Yeah, well your choice is not a choice," Dean bit out.

"Sam, you know I'm right," Ruby said, turning to the one person she knew would make the choice that was necessary.

Dean looked to Sam expectantly, still pissed off at…everything. Sam seemed to be thinking, torn between what he knew had to be done, and the accusation of the only person he cared for.

"Sam?" Dean demanded before he muttered under his breath. "What the hell is going on? Sam, tell her," shouting the last part.

"It's my decision," Nancy declared.

Ruby smiled her way. "Damn straight, Cherry Pie."

"Stop! Stop!" Dean demanded. "Nobody kill any virgins!" There was another uneasy silence as everyone looked to each individual, almost as if gauging their stance on the situation. "Sam I need to talk to you." Dean walked out of the room, Sam right behind him. Once they were far enough away, Dean turned on Sam quicker than a fox on a rabbit. "Please tell me you're not actually considering this. We're talking about holding down a girl and cutting out her heart."

"And we're also talking about thirty people out there, Dean. Innocent people, who're all going to die, along with everyone in here."

"That doesn't mean we throw away the rule book and stop acting like humans! I'm not going to let that demon kill some nice, sweet, innocent girl who hasn't even been laid! I mean, if that's how you want to win wars, then I don't want to win."

"Then what? What'll we do, Dean?"

Dean looked everywhere he could, trying to buy time before he admitted what he was thinking. "I got a plan. I'm not saying it's a good one, I'm not even saying it'll work. But it sure as hell beats killing a virgin."

"Okay, so what's the plan?"

Dean spoke in a voice that was commanding and stern. "Open the doors, let them all in…and we fight."

About an hour later, Sam walked back into the main room where everyone remained congregating. Dean turned as he heard him walk in.

"Get the equipment to work?"

"Yeah."

Dean spread out his arms. "So?"

"So, this is insane."

Ruby turned her head up from her sitting position. "You win understatement of the year."

Dean was really getting tired of her know-everything attitude. "Look, I get it. You think—"

"I don't think! I know," she demanded. "It's not going work." She stood then and started to walk away from them. "So long, boys."

"So you're just going to leave?" Sam asked.

Ruby turned back, not happy at his tone, or his word choice. "I was going to kill myself to help you win. I'm not going to stand here and watch you lose." She slowly walked up to Sam. "And I'm disappointed. Because I tried. I really did. But clearly, I bet on the wrong horse." She and Sam shared a look before she leaned in and said softly, "The time for secrets has been and gone. He's going to find out eventually."

Sam tensed. Didn't she think he knew that? That single thought tried to persuade him to tell Dean everything every damn time the sun shone over the horizon. _Might as well tell him. He'll find out eventually_. But he had promised himself that he couldn't. The pain he went through when he knew Dean was on his way out…he couldn't do that to Dean. He refused to be the source of that kind of torture.

"You mind letting me out?"

Ruby's question jolted him out of his thoughts. Sighing, he went to the Devil's Trap by the door and scraped some paint away before breaking the salt line. She stepped out and unsheathed her knife, the door closing tightly behind her. Walking up to crowd of possessed townspeople, she announced, "I'm leaving. Who wants to stop me?"

The crowd then parted as they all let her pass and disappear down the road, knowing that that meant the Winchesters were even more defenseless.

The next day, Sam and Dean sat in their hotel room, Sam lying on the bed atop the sheets, Dean sitting on a nearby chair.

The elder was having one hell of a time trying not to just stand up and start pacing. There were so many things that were bugging him and he was just trying to stay on one topic for longer than a few minutes so he could at least try to figure some things out.

One: what the hell was the feeling he had when he caught on to the little silent conversation between Sam and Ruby back at the station? He couldn't explain it aside from jealousy. And he would know because that one emotion had only robbed him of his charming smile a handful of times. Once when John had been the one that found Sam when he had gotten lost in the woods on one of their worst hunts, again when Sam had left for college, a third time when Sam had introduced Jessica as his girlfriend and by the way she had been dressed she had been for a long time, yet again when Sam had turned around and went back to Sara giving her a mind blowing kiss right there for the world to see, and finally a fourth time when he had left Sam with Madison in San Francisco. It had nearly killed him leaving them in that apartment knowing what was sure to happen and for the life of him he could not figure out why each time that concerned another girl he felt that pang of jealousy. And then of course there was last night.  
What had gotten him so worked up that he would feel that way? Was it that there seemed to be some kind of a connection between Sam and Ruby? Well, damn, so did Dean. Dean and his little brother had a hell of a connection together. So what the hell was it?!

Sighing, he figured he would think about it later when they were on the road. His mind was always clearer when he was behind the wheel of his baby.

The next thing was this Lilith chick. A 'new up and comer,' as Ruby put it. So not only did they have to deal with a hundred or so demons, now they had to watch for their potential leader? Just wonderful. Their lives sure were turning into a basket full of sunshine and candy canes. But how powerful could she be? She couldn't be any more powerful that Azazel was and they had brought him down hard…except that they had the Colt then. So, he was just going to have the find that Bella bitch and get back what was theirs. At least for Sam's sake more than his own.

Then there as that thing that Sam had said when Ruby had called him on his secret.  
**"It's nothing Dean. Really. It was a while ago. There was a problem and I took care of it."  
**And later what she had whispered to Sam.  
**"The time for secrets has been and gone. He's going to find out eventually."  
**What the hell kind of problem could Sam have taken care of that he wouldn't know about? He knew about all of Sam's problems, past and present…at least he thought he had. But then why would Sam need to keep it from him? Better yet, why was Sam keeping it from him but letting Ruby in on it? It just didn't make any sense. They had been through so much together: their mother's death, all of the early years of hunting, first crushes, first heartbreaks, Jessica's death, all the other hunts, their friends' deaths, their dad's death, Sam's death, Dean's deal, and soon it would be Dean's own death. So what did Sam feel he had to keep from him? And why? And why was he going to find out eventually?

There were just so many questions and Dean wanted answers. Turning to his brother, he watched as he laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering what he was thinking about.

"Sam."

The called man turned his head. "Yeah?"

"Listen…I need to ask you a question."

Sam shrugged. "Shoot."

"It's about something you said last night. And what Ruby said, too."

Sam's eyes became hard as he sighed. He should have known that that single moment wasn't going to depart Dean's memory bank until the question was answered. He sat up and rubbed his massive hands over his face and through his hair.

_I could just tell him right now and then there wouldn't be any more secrets. This is the perfect opportunity. He'll find out eventually._

"Dean…I…" he looked up to see his brother staring at him in anticipation, though he was trying to hide it. "I was thinking that….you know, that maybe I could…" He paused.

No, he shouldn't be anticipating this. Not his brother's soon to be demise. He couldn't bring Dean's whole world tumbling around him as Dean had done to him. He just couldn't bring himself to do it.

Sam closed his eyes and turned his head down, an ach so deep engulfing his chest he thought his whole body would fall in.

"Damn, Sam, a guy could wait forever for you to get a sentence out," Dean said, trying to cover his nervousness.

Sam looked back up with remorseful eyes. "Now's not the right time. I'm sorry."

Dean practically deflated as his hope was crushed. "When will it be?"

Sam smiled grimly. "You'll know when the time comes," he said, trying not to let his voice crack.

Dean nodded slowly, looking down to his fiddling hands. So he just wasn't good enough for his brother's little secret. He couldn't deny that it hurt quite a bit but he had faith in Sam. He knew that there had to be some kind of a reason. Besides, he had a secret or two he kept to himself, so Sam was more than obliged to a few secrets of his own.

"Dean."

Sam's voice in that single word sounded so broken and lost, Dean had no choice but to look up to his baby brother, the expression on his face matching his tone.

Sam swallowed. "In case something should…." He had to stop and take a stabilizing breath. "I need you to promise me something."

Dean's heart sped up. He didn't like where this was going. "What?"

"That no matter what happens," Sam looked Dean in his eyes, "you won't hate me."

Dean couldn't have been more shocked if Sam had announced that he was pregnant. "Hate you? Sam, what the hell are you talking about? What's going on?" he shouted on full big-brother mode.

"Just…please. I just need to hear you say it."

Dean hesitated for a moment. If his little brother needed to hear him say that he wouldn't hate him, then by God, he was going to tell him. He stood and walked to the side of the bed that was directly in front of Sam and sat so he was at perfect eye level, speaking in a solid, sure voice.

"Sam, there is nothing that you could do that would make me hate you. You understand? Nothing."

Sam relished as the words washed over him and made his muscles relax for the first time in a good while. He let out a small smile and nodded.

"Now let me ask you one question: are you okay?" Dean genuinely asked.

Sam nodded again. "I will be."

Dean was about to inquire as to what that meant when a knock came to the door. Dean sighed and said, "This isn't over," before he stood to answer it as Ruby walked in, arms crossed and clearly having a bad day.

"Turn on the news."

So what's you guys think? I know this one was longer _still_ than my last ones but I couldn't help it. Please don't be mad. Anyway, please tell me what you think and maybe even what you would like to see happen. I will definitely give each and every idea a lot of thought. Thanks for your time and sorry again for the long update. See you next chapter!


	5. Finding A Way Out

Hey, guys. Sorry about the late update. Complications with the lightning thing. Anyway, here is the next chapter. We're on the final stretch!! This is the first half of the final episode so if you have not seen this episode yet, DO NOT READ THIS OR ANY FOLLOWING CHAPTERS!! What I plan to do with the last episode was long and involved so I have to break it up.  
So, without further to do, the first chapter of the last episode. ENJOY!!

* * *

_Dean ran through the dense forest area like the devil was on his heels. But it was something much worse. He whipped past trees, bushes, and nearly fell over many uplifted tree roots, continuously looking over his shoulder. Then he came to an abrupt stop. There in front of him was the ferocious hellhound come to state its prize. Bared teeth, shackles, and a fierce growl completed the terrifying scene. Dean's heart sped as he thought quickly about his next move: turn and run. The hellhound was quickly on his heels and caught up with ease, knocking Dean to the ground. He rolled onto his back just in time for the vicious dog to start ripping at his flesh as he screamed bloody murder…_

Dean awoke, panting and heart still beating faster than a drum at a tribal dance. Still trying to collect his bearings, he looked down to his pillow of choice to see a mythical book opened to a pictured version of a hellhound made completely of knurled tree roots and decaying bodies of those it had claimed.

Sam walked in then, wide awake and slightly chipper as usual. "Hey, Dean. Anything good?"

Dean closed the book. "No. Nothing good."

"Well Bobby has, finally."

Dean looked up to his baby brother looking worn out and barely awake. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. A way to find Lillith."

"Wow. With just," he looked to his watch, "thirty hours to go. Let's make a TJ run, huh? Senoritas, servasas, we could…what's Spanish for 'Donkey Show'?"

Sam chuckled and shook his head. "So, if we do save you, let's never do that."

Dean made a placating face as Sam sat next to him. "Hey Dean, we're cutting it close, I know, but we're going to get this done. I don't care what it takes, Dean, you're not going to go to hell. I'm not going to let you. I swear. Everything's going to be okay."

Dean nodded downheartedly because he knew there isn't a way to save him from the pit. There never was. "Yeah, okay."

What Dean didn't know was that Sam reserved every right to promise that Dean would remain safe on Earth. He had ensured that months ago when he struck his own deal.

However, there was now one thing that Dean knew and Sam did not. He finally realized that he was in love with his brother. That's right: _in love._ He couldn't hardly believe it when he realized it but he knew it was the truth. There was no way what he felt could be anything less than a lover's emotions. At first, he felt sickened by himself. Not only was Sam a guy, he was his younger brother. As in they shared the same blood. The exact same blood, more or less. It wasn't right. It wasn't natural.  
But then he had gotten to thinking, when had anything in their entire lives been natural? He had hunted various supernatural beings since he was fifteen, he had nearly died and was alive now because his father had sold his own soul, and now demonic pit-bulls from hell were sharpening their claws for feast a la Dean in a little over a day. Yeah, normal.

But eventually, he came to terms with it and dealt with it when it deeded dealing with. In his mind, he was going to be dead in a few hours so he wouldn't have to worry about burdening Sam with this should he ever learn of his terrible secret. So he kept it to himself and he planned to bring it to the grave.

They went out to see Bobby just as he was putting a tripod over a map of the country. At the top of the new contraption was a crystal ball of some sort and from it, a long rod came straight down in the middle and had a stone connected at the end.

"See, the name? That's the whole kit and caboodle. With the right name and the right ritual, ain't nothing you can't sus out."

"Like the town Lillith's in?" Sam asked.

"Kid, when I get done, we'll know the street." Bobby then pushed the crystal ball and the rod started to move in circles. He uttered a Latin ritual for only a few moments, and then the rod stopped over a city spot. Bobby leaned in to read off the name. "New Harmony, Indiana. We have a winner."

Sam started to make bee-line for the door. "Alright, let's go."

Dean stopped him. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on there. Holster it up there, Tex."

"What's the problem?"

"What's the problem?" Dean repeated his brother's question like it was painfully obvious. "Come on, where do I begin? First of all, we don't know if Lillith actually holds my deal. We're going off on Bella's Intel? When that bitch breaths, the air comes out crooked, 'kay? Second, even if we could get to Lillith, we have no way to gank her. And third, isn't this the same Lillith that wants your giant head on a pike? Should I continue?"

Bobby put his hands on his hips. "Well ain't you just bringing down the room."

Dean smiled smugly. "It's a gift."

"I'm sorry, then what are we supposed to do?" Sam asked a little peeved.

"Look, just because I have to die doesn't mean you have to. Either we go in smart or we don't go in at all."

"Okay, if that's the case, I have the answer."

Dean looked doubtful to Sam. "You do?"

"A surefire way to confirm it's Lillith and a way to get us a bonafide demon killing instrument."

"Damn it, Sam, no," Dean growled as he turned away.

"We are so passed arguing. Dean, I'm summoning Ruby."

Dean whipped back to Sam. "The hell you are! We have enough problems as it is!"

"Exactly." Sam walked up to Dean with an almost pleading face. "And we got no time and no choice, either."

"Man, she is Miss Universe of lying skanks, okay? She told you that she could save me. Huh? Lie! She seems to know everything about Lillith but forgot to mention, oh right, **Lillith owns my soul!**"

"Fine. She's a liar. She's still got that knife."

"Dean…" Bobby tried to make the elder listen to reason but was cut off by him.

"For all we know, she works for Lillith!"

"Give me another option, Dean. I mean tell me what else."

"Sam's right," Bobby added.

"No! Damn it!" Dean yelled and quieted the room for several moments. "Just no. We are not going to make the same mistakes over again." Bobby and Sam looked confused at that statement but Dean continued. "You guys want to save me, find something else." He walked away and went back to his pile of books to think things over.

Sam watched him with pity, anger, and worry. He didn't want to upset Dean, much less hurt him and he knew his death would cripple him. So he had to save himself if only for Dean's sake. But he knew that if he had wanted any semblance of hope, he would have to talk to Ruby. She must know something.

* * *

A few hours later found Dean still mulling over his books, Bobby out trying to talk to other trustworthy hunters to get some answers, and Sam in the basement drawing pictures on the ground. Or rather, a summoning ritual for a very powerful, yet manipulative, demon. He was just finishing the circle with the symbols in certain areas and a bowl of green goo right in the center when he recited a Latin chant which at the end he lit a match and threw it into the bowl, making a show of flashing sparks two feet high.

He stood and peered around the room, expecting his invited guest to emerge from a flashy show of lights and smoke.

"You know phones work, too."

Sam turned to see Ruby nonchalantly leaning against the far wall, arms crossed, and an almost warming smile on her face. Almost.

"Hey, Sam."

"How do you get around so fast?" Sam growled.

"I got the Super Bowl jet pack," she answered without missing a beat. She stood from the wall then and started toward Sam. "So, you called?"

"Did you know?" Sam asked accusingly.

"Um, going to need a tiny bit more…"

"About my deal! That Lillith holds the contract."

She nodded. "Yes, I did."

Sam shook his head in disbelief. "And…what, you didn't think that was important?"

"You weren't ready."

"For what?"

"If I told you, you two yahoos would have just charged after her half cocked. And Lillith would have peeled the meet from your pretty, pretty faces."

Sam paused for a moment. "Well we're ready now. I want your knife."

Ruby smiles. "You're right about one thing." She moves so she's circling Sam like a predator out for the hunt. "If you are ready, and now's the time, too, Lillith's guard's down."

"Is that so?"

"She's on sure leave. A little R&R."

"What the hell's that mean?"

Her answer was quick. "Trust me, you don't want to know. You didn't lose those hex bags I gave you?"

"We got them."

"Good. Then she won't sense that you're coming."

He turned to look at Ruby who had made her way behind him. "So you'll give us the knife."

"No."

"But you just said—"

"You want to charge in with one little pick sticker? It's a waste of a true blue window. Like getting Hitler with that exploding briefcase. Forget it."

"Okay, then how?" Sam yelled.

"I know how to save you, Sam."

"No you don't. You told Dean you couldn't. You've been lying to me all along. So just give me your damn knife!"

"You're not the one I've been lying to."

"Oh, so you can save me?" Sam asked mockingly.

"No!...But you can."

Sam hesitated from pure shock. "What?"

"Sam, you've got some God-given talent. Well, not _God_-given, but you get the gist."

"All that psychic crap? That's gone ever since Yellow-Eyes died."

Ruby shook her head slowly. "Not gone. Dormant. And not just visions, either. Why do you think Lillith is so scared of you?"

He chuckled at the sheer thought. "Right, she's scared of me."

"If you wanted, you could wipe her off the face of the planet without moving a muscle."

"I don't believe you."

"It's the truth."

"And you decided to tell me this just now."

"Um," she looked down to herself then back up to Sam, "demon? Manipulative's kind of in the job description. Fact is you never would have considered it. Not until you were—"

"Desperate enough," Sam finished for her.

Ruby actually felt a pinch of pity for the man before her now. She knew how it felt to be singled out, not be like everyone else. "You don't like being different. You hate the way Dean looks at you sometimes like you're some kind of sideshow freak. But suck it up because we got a lot of ground to cover and we have to do it fast."

Sam looked to be thinking it over and that wasn't fast enough for her.

"Look, call me a bitch, hate me all you want, but I have never lied to you, Sam. Not ever. You can save yourself. And I can show you how."

"So that's you, huh?" Dean says loudly as he walks up to the duo. "Our slutty little Yoda."

Sam tensed so badly, he swore he heard some bones cracking. Had he been listening to their entire conversation? Did he hear him talk about his own deal? Does he know? Sam's heart was going triple speed as he tried hard to keep his breath steady.

"Dean," Ruby says with painfully obvious fake joy. She turned and stared him in his eyes. "Charming as ever."

"I knew you'd sow up. 'Cuz I knew _Sam_ wouldn't listen." Sam nearly flinched but was able to cover it as a passive eye roll. "But you're not going to teach him anything. You understand? Over my dead body."

"Huh. Well, you're right about that."

"What you are going to do is give me that knife. And then you'll crawl back into whatever slop you came from and never bother me and my brother again, clear?"

"Your brother is carrying a bomb inside him and we'd be stupid not to use it."

Sam was starting to lean a little on her side. "Dean, look just hold on for a minute—"

"_Sam!_ Don't. Come on, man! What are you, blind? Can't you see that this is a trick?"

"That's not true," Ruby defended earnestly.

"She wants you to give into this whole demonic, psychic, whatever. I mean she probably wants you to become her little antichrist superstar."

Ruby was not liking the way Dean was trampling on her motivation and was getting more pissed with ever syllable he uttered. "I want Lillith dead! That's all."

"Why?"

"I told you why!"  
"Oh right, yeah. 'Cuz you were human once, and you like kittens, and long walks on the beach."

She got right in his face. "You know, I am so sick of proving myself to you! You want to save yourself, this is how, you dumb, spineless **dick**!"

Dean paused and made to walk away but turned and punched her square in the face. She stumbled a little, then righted herself and wiped the blood from her lip. Then she punched ean in the chest and face barely hearing Sam's shout of, "Whoa, Ruby wait!" before she roundhoused, him making him double over, and then kicked him in the face sending him back against a wooden post. Dean, now on his feet was right behind her and when she turned, he nailed her in the face again but she wasted no time in pulling him down and kneeing him in the gut a few times and then once in the nose sending him to the floor. Dean tries to get up but she kicks him making him roll a bit and loosing what little balance he had regained. She picked him up by his lapels and head-butted him, making him kiss the floor once again. However, he smiled, showing his bloody whites, as he began to stand.

"What the hell are you grinning at?" Ruby asked him, breathless from their little romp.

"Missing something?" Dean asked back as he held up her knife.

She glares his death, before growling, "I'll kill you, you son of a bitch." She ran for him but suddenly smacked into an invisible wall. Slowly, she looked up to see the devil's trap circle on the ceiling.

"Like I said," Dean added as he collected his bearings, "I knew you'd come." He started to walk away.

"Wait," Ruby called. "You're just going to leave me here?"

"Let's go, Sam," Dean said , completely ignoring her existence.

Ruby couldn't believe her eyes when she saw Sam stand and make his way toward his brother, knowing which side he had chosen. After everything she had done for him—kept his secret, given him powerful methods of keeping him safe, saved his life along with his brother's—and had even given him a definite way out of the whole hell thing, and still he sided with the pigheaded monstrosity of a human.

"Oh. So you're just too stupid to live, is that it?" she yelled at Sam as he followed Dean up the stairs. "Then fine! You deserve hell! And I wish I could be there. I wish I could smell the flesh sizzle off your bones….I wish I could be there to hear you scream! You hear me, Sam Winchester?!"

Dean stopped on the last step. Sam? Why did she said Sam's name? He looked back to see the said man right behind him, pale as a ghost.

"Sam…" he was almost afraid to ask. His veins felt like they were about to burst with how fast his blood was pumping. He must have heard wrong. _Please tell me I heard wrong._ "Sam, what the hell is she talking about?"

Sam looked up but not in Dean's eyes. He didn't have the nerve. "I don't know. It's probably nothing." He squeezed past his brother and entered the kitchen.

Dean quickly followed after closing and locking the basement door behind him. "No, uh-uh. That ain't nothing. Now I'm going to ask you again: what the hell was she talking about?"

"Look, Dean, it's Ruby, okay? She's a demon. It's like you said. She's the Miss Universe of lying skanks. She's just trying to mess with our heads. Trying to trip us up, make us unfocused. Just don't pay any mind."

Dean felt his heart rate decrease a bit but he was still on edge. That made sense. Maybe she was just trying to mess with him. Make him take down his guard. But there was still the possibility that there was something to what she said. And he prayed that it was not that door.

Sam chewed on his lip, his chest aching from the continuous beating it was getting from his heart. He had to get away from Dean's stare. "Look, I'm going to go check our bas, make sure we got everything."

Dean nodded hesitantly every word slow and calculating as though he was buying time to study Sam. "Yeah, okay. I have to go into town, get some supplies."

Sam nodded once firmly and quickly made his way to his designated room up the stairs. Once he closed and locked the door, he leaned against it and slid down until his knees were to his chest and he started to pant. All of the pent up adrenalin and total fear had been too much and his legs were starting to shake.

Dean had almost found out. What would he have done if Dean had somehow pieced everything together and realized his sacrifice? Several different scenarios went through his head, none of them good.

He shook his head violently and took a few deep breaths. He couldn't think about that. The important thing was he didn't find out and he was still in the dark. The only problem now was that the very idea had been sowed into Dean's mind and he was never going to stop watering it until he figured it out. Sam was going to have to be extra careful about what he said and did around Dean. He had to keep his farce going.

Twenty hours. He only had less than twenty hours left and he was too close to ruin everything now.

* * *

So what's you think? Let me know. I'm on vacation starting……..now. So the next update might not be for a little bit but I will get it out as soon as I am able. Thanks for sticking with me this long!! You guys are awesome!!


	6. Time of the Devil

_**!! READ THIS NOTE PLEASE EVERYONE!! VERY IMPORTANT!! !!**_  
Okay, so here's the next chapter. But, for those who have not been checking in, the last chapter that was about the pole for what was going to happen, I replaced it with another chapter. So Chapter 5 is an actual chapter in the story. Please read Chapter 5, 'Finding a Way Out', first as to it is the first part to this one chapter…and pretty important. Please and thank you! Enjoy!!

* * *

Sam waited until Dean had gotten in the Impala and was all the way down the road before he locked the door and headed for the kitchen. It was a long drive into town so with the trip there, the time he spent getting all of the materials needed—which would take a while since Dean would have to go to more than three stores—and then the trip back, Sam knew he had quite a while until his brother returned.

He stood in front of the basement door, rethinking what he was about to do. He knew that Dean wouldn't be happy if he knew what his little brother was doing right now. Correction: he knew that Dean would be _pissed_ if he knew what his little brother was doing right now. But at this point, he didn't have a choice. He didn't want to go to Hell. And this just might be his only option.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and started his decent down the stairs. On his way, he heard Ruby huffing and growling under her breath in anger. As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he slowly started to make his way toward her, wondering what she might do, especially since he didn't know the extent of her true power.

She sensed his presence and spun around to glare at him. "What do you want now, ass hole? My eyes and tongue?" she asked acidly.

He understood why she was upset. If he had been the only hope of survival to the only hope of mankind and had been locked in a basement by that very same person, even he would be a little annoyed.

"I'm sorry about earlier."

"You're sorry?" she hissed softly. "You think you can just fix this and save the world because you're sorry? It doesn't quite work that way, honey. You're in deep and I am way past helping you."

"I'll make you a deal."

Ruby laughed humorlessly. "Do I look like that Crossroads bitch to you? I don't make any deals."

"Okay then. Let's call it a trade."

She rolled her eyes. "Now you see, you have to have something that I want in order for there to be a successful trade and honestly," she looked him up and down, "I don't see anything I particularly like."

"I'll let you out if you teach me what it is I need to do."

"Why should I believe you?"

"Because I'm going to give you the upper hand in this." He climbed back up the stairs a few steps so he could reach the symbol and scratched a piece of the larger circle away. Ruby looked a little confused as she stepped from it, her curiosity now peaked.

Sam walked back down the steps and stood right in front of her. "You said you also wanted Lillith dead. I don't know your reasons and I probably don't even want to. But that gives a common ground between us. It's something we've both wanted for a long time and now you're saying that I may be the only answer. I was a little hesitant before but now I know what I want. I am willing to let you teach me what I need to know to be what I need to become. Will you help me again?"

Ruby didn't answer for a moment. Then one corner of her lips slid up in a mischievous smirk.

* * *

Dean listened to the purr of the Impala as he drove down the motorway on his way back from his day in town. He had stocked up on salt, rosary, different herbs—which were starting to stink up his baby—and other essential supplies he thought they might need during the night.

However, the entire time he had been out, he couldn't get his mind off of Sam. He couldn't explain it but he had such a horrible feeling about tonight that he actually had to sit down at times inside the random stores because of the nausea. Not to mention that Sam had been acting less and less like himself lately. It bothered Dean to no end. He only had a few hours left and he had wanted to spend it with Sam, not this new person he was becoming. He wanted his little brother back.

Dean couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped his lips. It wasn't too terribly long ago that Sam had asked the very same of him. It was funny how tables could simply turn like that. And at such an awkward time, too.

Then Dean's mind wandered to his feelings for Sam…his 'more than brotherly' feelings. It still bothered him on some level that he felt this way but he couldn't help it and was quickly starting to not care. He had cared for the kid since he had first opened his eyes. He was almost surprised it took this long for his feelings to grow this much. But now with the understanding and acceptance of it, there was a whole other issue that scared the shit out of him.

Should he tell Sam before his time is up, or should he take his taboo secret to the grave?

He sighed deeply and rubbed at his brow roughly. He wanted so badly to race back to Bobby's, take Sam in his arms and kiss the living daylights out of him until Sam didn't care that they shared the same blood. But then came the fear of the total and utter rejection and hatred that was most likely to follow. And he knew that Hell would seem like the Hilton compared to that kind of pain.

"God damn it," he cursed with a hiss as he pulled to the side of the road, stopped the engine, and leaned back into his seat. Staring at the empty road of him, he completely zoned out and envisioned all of the possibilities of the outcomes of him telling Sam.

1) Sam smiles and admits his love back as they share a mind-blowing kiss…before Dean is ripped to shreds and dragged to hell.

2) Sam accepts it but says that he doesn't feel the same for him… before Dean is ripped to shreds and dragged to hell.

3) Sam is disgusted and repulsively says that he never wants to see him ever again… before he hands Dean over to be ripped to shreds and dragged to hell.

Yeah, Dean was more expecting either option 3 or 2 because even he wasn't stupid enough to dream so big as to even hope for option 1.

Groaning, he let his head fall back so he was staring at the roof of the car. He remained that way for an extra fifteen minutes before he righted himself, stretched from being stationary, and started the engine up before pulling back onto the road.

Dean knew what he had to do. He had to tell Sam because he knew that if he didn't, he'd regret it for the rest of his life—er, what's left of it—and who knows; if it ends up being as painful as he's expecting, maybe it will make Hell seem a little bit better.

* * *

Sam made his way up from the basement looking ragged and worn as he trudged up the stairs to the bathroom for a shower so Dean wouldn't suspect he had been doing any kind of training.  
As he let the water drizzle down his form, he thought about Dean. A lot.

_Should I let him know about my feelings at all? What if I live through this and he hates me? That would make this whole ordeal a complete sham made of stupidity and thoughtlessness. But then, what if I don't survive and I die never telling him? Would that be better for him? Probably. But what about me? Would I be able to deal with the fact that he would never know?_

Sighing, he turned the water hotter as it started to scald and redden his skin. He needed it right now what with the headache he was boasting at the moment. Damn, but Ruby was a ruthless teacher.

"**That's not enough. Try harder! You think that's going to stop Lillith? You can barely catch a fly, much less kill it. Put more effort into it! We're running out of time! Do you want to go to hell? Harder!"**

Sam shivered regardless of the water temperature. Just her voice would be enough to turn any good dream of his into a nightmare. But he had to hand it to her: she knew her stuff. Already, he felt significantly stronger not just mentally but physically as well. He didn't know how that was possible but he supposed it had to do with the demon blood in his veins.

There was also something else that was bothering him. During the training, he had often felt a sense of boiling rage that he couldn't understand. And when those feelings were at their worst, he had images of somewhere dark, and loud, and horrible. He remembered the screams and a pain unlike anything he had 

ever felt before or even dreamed. It was so unbearable that he felt himself going over the edge. Though they only lasted for a moment each time—just flashes of images and sensation—they wore on his subconscious and his body. He didn't know what they were from or why he was having them. But the strangest part was that they felt like they were long ago memories that he had forgotten. When he told Ruby, she paused for a moment as if surprised, then brushed it off, and said that it was fine, nothing to worry about. So he pressed on, trying to ignore them, hard though it was.

Sam turned off the water and stepped from the shower before he halfheartedly dried himself, wrapping the towel around his waist and looking at himself in the mirror. His skin was a bit raw now, a pinkish tinge to it. But what he also saw in his reflection was a desperate brother who was willing to do anything to protect the one person that ever truly meant anything to him, that was always there no matter what terms they were on, the one single person he couldn't stand to be without; and if that meant that he died with his secret locked deep in his soul, festering and aching under his already burning flesh…then so be it.

* * *

Ten hours left, now, and both boys were in the main room of Bobby's house loading and checking the guns. There was only silence between them and Sam was starting to get worried, what with the little slip-up a few hours before.

During the training, Ruby had brought up a good point. It was crucial that they both keep the secret from Dean now more than ever. The situation was more sensitive now that Sam had 'unlocked' some of his powers. If Dean was to find out anytime between now and midnight, they both knew that he would do anything and everything to reverse it, as moot as his attempt would be. He would screw up their plans and get in the way, thus endangering them all. So Sam had to keep his mask on for just a bit longer. He just hoped he could hold out till then.

Nonetheless, this silence was doing nothing for his nerves. Plus, he needed to not let Dean catch on that Ruby was no longer in the house. _Plus_, he was itching to know if Dean really would be pissed at him if he found out what he had done, what he had learned.

"Dean, what if, uh…what if Ruby's right? What if I can take out Lillith?"

Dean gave him a look that clearly read 'are you serious?'

_Great. Just like I thought._ "Quit looking at me like that."

"What, are you going to give her the Carrie stare and Lillith goes 'poof'?"

"I don't know what Ruby meant."

"Sam, you wanted the knife, I got you the knife."

Maybe he could talk some sense into Dean and make him see some reason. He just didn't want to keep so many secrets from him. He already had enough. "Dean, just listen to me for a second. Last time, Lillith 

snapped her fingers and put thirty demons on our ass. Now all we got's one little knife? I mean like you said, we go in smart or we don't go in at all."

"Well this ain't smart."

"We got one shot at this, Dean. Just one. So if there's a surefire way, then maybe we should just talk about it."

"Sam, we are not going to make the same mistake all over again."

Sam was confused again. "You said that, but what does that even mean?"

"Don't you see a pattern here? Dad's deal, my deal, now this? I mean, every time one of us is up the creek, the other is begging to sell their soul. That's all this is, man. Ruby's just jerking your chain down the road. You know what it's paid with and you know where it's going."

"Dean. What are you afraid's going to happen? This is me. I can handle it. And if it'll save you—"

"Why risk it?" Dean asked with a bob of his shoulders.

Sam sighed deeply and mournfully. There no longer was a risk at this point. "Because you're my brother. Because you did the same thing for me."

"I know. And look how that turned out. All I'm saying…" He had to stop for a moment and think about his next words, knowing they were going to be some of his last with his little brother. "Sammy, all I'm saying is you're my weak spot." Sam turned away for a moment. "You are. And I'm yours."

Sam knew what Dean was doing and felt all the more sad knowing it could very possibly be true if that night didn't go as he planned. "You don't mean that. We're family."

"I know. And those evil sons of bitches know it, too. I mean what we'll do for each other—how far we'll go—they're using it against us."

"So what, we just stop looking out for each other?"

"No, we stop being martyrs, man. We stop spreading it for these demons. Take this knife and we go after Lillith our way, the way Dad thought us to. And if we go down, then we go down swinging. What do you think?"

At that moment, Sam knew wholeheartedly that he was never going to get Dean to see reason. It hurt knowing that his big brother, whom he idolized since before he could walk and has loved so completely since he understood what love meant, wouldn't understand why he did what he did and just might resent him for it. But maybe it was for the best. Maybe it would make his dying a little easier. He could wish.

Either way, he wanted to get off the subject. "I think you totally should have been jamming the 'Eye of the Tiger' right there."

"Aw, bite me. I totally rehearsed that speech, too."

Sam laughed. He was going to miss his brother. So terribly. "So Indiana, huh?"

"Uh-huh. And Lillith is on shore leave," Dean replied as a question type statement.

"Yeah, I guess."

Dean stopped his packing again to look at Sam with a serious face. "Tell me something: what the hell does a demon do for fun?"

Sam thought about it for a moment, and if he hadn't already of been through a lifetime of unbelievable and somewhat crazy times in his years, he would have shivered at the very thought.

* * *

Okay, so I know I said I was going to break the last episode up into halves but then it just got to be sooo long that I decided to make it into three and my next update shouldn't take nearly as long because it's already almost done. So hang in there for one more chapter…and its going to be my longest chapter yet!! It's already up to eight pages on word and I'm still going! Yay!!


	7. Too Much Time On My Hands

Holy Crap!! That took a hell of a lot longer than I hoped it would. Sorry about that guys. You would not believe the last few weeks I've had. My friend went in the hospital, my computer crashed, I got behind in school and had to make it up…not fun, especially when you're in college. My friend's fine which is why I'm posting now. Thanks for waiting guys. So this is a continuation of 3.16: No Rest for the Wicked. Well, hope you guys like! Enjoy!!  
**P.S.-I put up a poll on my bio about my next SN story. Unfortunately, I already told a few people that I'd write a sequel to my other story for Saiyuki so I'll write that first then start on the next SN one. Please vote so I know what you guys want! (I'll most likely do all of them but I just want to see what you guys want next :D )**

* * *

Sam and Dean sat in the Impala, on their way to New Haven…in silence. Neither had said a single word since they had left Bobby's and it was starting to get on both of their nerves.

Sam held Ruby's knife in his hands, testing its sharpness for the fifteenth time since he got in the car, and Dean remained focused on the road while still sparing a subtle glance here and there of Sam.

Dean was the most nervous, however, as he fisted the steering wheel, nearly rubbing the palms of his hands raw. He knew this was the perfect opportunity to tell Sam he loved him. They were alone, Sam couldn't walk away, and there wouldn't be any distractions. The only issue now was actually getting up the gall to open his mouth and form the god damn words. But try as he might, whenever he tried, Dean's throat would nearly close, and his heart would all but give out from the fear of what Sam would say. It was ridiculous, he thought, how fucking hard this was!

_Just say it! I love you, Sam. See? Not that hard!_

But it was that hard and it just pissed him off that he couldn't do it. The main reason was that he knew that Sam would be pissed and since he only had a few hours left, he wanted to spend as many of them with Sam as he could, even if he wasn't quite the Sam he was used to. So he kept quiet.

Sam also took quickie looks of his brother and his heart broke each time he did. From the look on Dean's face, he looked really upset about something. Did he somehow find out?

Then Sam had to laugh at himself. _Which_ secret could he have discovered? He had fucking three and none of them small. A secret deal in which he sold his soul, a secret taboo love he felt for his brother, and a secret power of the mind.

But that didn't help to ease him at all. To be honest—heh, honest—he was finding it truly difficult not to just spill everything. He only had a few hours left and he wanted to be out in the open instead of having all of these pressures bearing down on his shoulders. He was suffocating and Dean could be the air he needed. All he had to do was admit it to him.

"Sam."

He froze completely at that one word and listened intently.

"There's something…" Dean hesitated before he took a deep breath. "There's something I want to talk to you about."

Sam's heart rate sped. Oh God. Here it is. The accusation and the blame.

"Sam, you know that I love you."

Sam's eyes widened. No. Please, not this. Not now.

"You don't have to do this," Sam said in a quivering voice, though he tried to hide it as best he could.

"Yeah, I do. Because I can tell that something has been up with you lately. I don't know what it is, but you're different somehow and the only thing I can think of is that it's the deal and you're still pissed at me about it. Which is fine. I'd be pissed, too."

Sam winced.

"But you need to understand, Sam. The only reason I did it is because of…it's because I love you, Sam. Whatever happens, just remember that, okay?"

It took every ounce of his willpower but Sam remained silent because he knew that if he opened his mouth he'd spill everything. His deal, his un-brotherly love…he had never felt so torn. It was a physical strain to keep quiet.

Unfortunately, Dean took the silence as a negative sign and blinked back his tears, swallowing past the lump in his throat. _So he really does hate me._

Dean cleared his throat. "Well, that's enough of a chick flick moment, huh? How 'bout some tunes." He leaned over and turned on the stereo as Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive" came on.

Sam looked over to Dean, who was now humming to the song, thinking his brother had gone insane.

"Bon Jovi?"

"Bon Jovi rocks…on occasion."

Sam couldn't help the small smile as Dean started to sing along with the lyrics. When Dean insisted he sing, too, he felt an immense weight lifted from his chest as he sang out the words. He felt like the rest of the world melted away and for that single moment…it was almost like old times. He was now merely in the car with his big brother singing a song he thought would never grace Dean's baby's speakers on their way to a normal hunt.

He knew now that somehow, everything would work out. He was not sure how or why, but he had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that told him so. Even if it was completely wrong, he is able to thrive in this feeling if only for a moment. That was more than enough.

* * *

Several hours later, the boys including their surrogate father Bobby, were standing outside a suburban house, looking in on a normal looking family, seeming to be having a normal dinner…consisting of chocolate cake and a worthwhile helping of utter terror.

"It's got to be the little girl. No way in hell a normal family serves chocolate cake for dinner," Dean announced quietly.

But Sam knew for certain. He could see Lilliths true face. And damn was it nasty. "Alright, then. Let's go. We're wasting time," said Sam, already on his way to the front door when Dean grabbed him back.

"Wait."

Sam looked to him like he was crazy. "For what? For her to kill the rest of them?"

"Yeah, and us, too, if we're not careful. Look," said Dean as he motioned toward the street, "real go-getter mailman on the clock at nine PM? And Mr. Rodgers over there."

"Demons?" Sam asked, though he had already sensed their presence.

"Got to be."

"Okay, fine. We ninja past those guys, sneak in."

"And what, give a Columbian neck tie to a ten year old girl? Come on."

"Look Dean, I know it's awful…"

"You think?"

Sam became serious then and stared Dean down in his eyes getting more and more frustrated. "This isn't just about saving you, Dean. This is about…" Screw his promise with Ruby. He could tell him now. It was close enough, right? He would find out in the next hour or so anyway. What's the harm? "This is about saving…" _Tell him. Tell Him!_

But Ruby was right. He had to keep the secret for just a little while longer.

Heaving a deep sigh, he finished sadly with, "This is about saving everybody."

"She's got to be stopped, son," Bobby added in.

Dean looked back into the window at the little girl and felt a pang of remorse for his job. "Ah, damn it."

* * *

Their plan made up and now in motion, Dean played bait as he made himself visible to the demonic mailman. He stopped to stare and when he was spotted, started to run, the mailman giving chase after him and gaining some serious ground. Dean ran behind one of the houses where Sam was laying in wait with Ruby's knife. Sam grabbed the demon-in-sheep's-clothing and stabbed him square in his back, covering his mouth so he wouldn't scream with his stolen vocal cords.

The duo did the same with 'Mr. Rodgers,' taking care of him quickly, and dragging him behind his house as a cover. Dean then started forward, continuing with their plan of attack when he was suddenly pushed against a metal fence face first, a body pressed against his back.

"I'd like my knife back, please, or your neck snaps like a chicken bone."

He recognized that voice anywhere. Ruby.

Sam came up almost immediately and held the knife to her throat. "He doesn't have it. Take it easy."

She backed off and Dean moved from the fence, catching his breath. He stared at her then with a disbelieving and slightly pissed expression. "How the hell'd you get out?"

Ruby shared a knowing look Sam's way for only a moment then back to Dean. "What you don't know about me could fill a book." Turning back to Sam, she glared at him. "Sam, give me the knife before you hurt yourself."

"You'll get it when this is over."

"It's already over. I gave you a way to save Dean. You shot me down. Now it's too late. He's dead. And I'm not going to let you die, too."

"Try and stop me and I'll kill you…bitch."

"Hit me with your best shot, baby."

"Guys, guys!" Dean scolded. "Hey, have your little catfight later." He motioned toward the center of suburbia to see a dozen or more demons standing outside their meet-puppets' homes staring at them. "So much for the element of surprise."

Sam opened the door to the gate. "Run. Run!" Dean and Ruby raced past him before Sam followed, the demons close behind. They made their way to the little girl's house and Sam immediately kneeled and started working on the front door's lock.

"What the hell's taking Bobby?" Dean asked under his breath before checking on Sam's progress.

"I'm trying," Sam said as he looked back to find that the demons had caught up a little too quickly for his liking.

Just then, as though on cue, the sprinkler system turned on, spraying holy water thanks to Bobby, and just as the demons ran onto the lawn, their skin started to sizzle and blister as they screamed before running back out into the street.

Sam was able to unlock the door and he and Ruby went in. Dean laughed back at the demons and followed Sam and Ruby into the house closing it behind them. However, his joy was short lived as he looked down to see an elder woman on the floor covered in blood and flies.

"Think Lillith knows we're here?" Sam asked.

Ruby nodded. "Probably."

They all walked into the next room, their nerves on edge, almost expecting something to jump out at them at any moment. Which it did.

A man came bursting through the next door and ran into Dean who quickly reversed the situation and grabbing the man's arms, making him immobile, and covering his mouth.

"Shhh. We're here to help. Okay? I'll remove my hand and we're going to talk nice and quiet, okay?"

The man nodded jerkily and Dean did as promised and moved his hand.

"Sir," Sam asked, "where's your daughter?"

The man, already scared out of his wits, had a more terrified look about him as he shook his head again. "It's not…It's not her anymore."

"Where is she?" Sam repeated.

"Upstairs in her room."

Dean then got the man's full attention by putting his hands on his shoulders. "Listen to me. I want you to go downstairs in the basement and put a line of salt down at the doors and windows."

"Not without my wife," he refused.

"Yes without your wife," Dean countered.

Just after the man started to refuse again, Dean beat him to it with a quick jab to the nose knocking him out. Dean heaved him over his shoulder before the man hit the ground and placed him down in the basement himself as Sam and Ruby continued their search up the stairs.

They parted once they reached the top, Ruby going right, Sam going left and having the upper hand with the knife securely in his fist. He slowly made his way into one room finding it empty of any people. Continuing on, he opened the next door he saw at the end of the hall very slowly, thanking which ever god cared to listen that it didn't make a sound. Against the far wall was a canopy bed, the pink lace curtains drawn, and what looked to be two occupants lying in it. Sam slowly made his way to the side and gradually opened the curtain to find a middle aged woman trembling on the bed and the ten year old possessed girl asleep on her shoulder.

The mother looked up to Sam and whispered urgently, "Do it."

Sam looked down to the girl and found himself...lookin at a normal ten year old girl. Lillith wasn't in her anymore. Damn it! Where the hell could she have gone so quickly? Or worse yet, where was she now?

He backed away from the bed as the mother whispered those damning words over and over, echoing in Sam's head like a banshee's wail. He shook his head and backed away more as the mother just gave him the most desperate pleading look.

Dean walked in then and saw the two girls on the bed, then up to Sam with a question written clearly on his face. "Sam, what are you doing?" he hissed. "Kill her!"

Sam shook his head again. "It's not her. It's not the girl anymore."

"What? How do you know?"

Shit, how the hell was he supposed to answer that? "I just do."

The little girl started to wake up, the mother and Dean tensing. She looked around for a minute and began to look scared. "Mommy? Mommy, who are they? What happened? Mommy!"

The mother released a half sigh, half sob as she pressed her baby to her chest in relief.

With that, the boys escorted the mother and daughter pair into the hall, Dean telling them to meet the man of the family in the basement, Sam meeting up with Ruby.

"Well, I hate to say it but I told you so."

"Alright, Ruby," Sam said, "where is she?"

"I don't know."

"Could she get past the sprinklers?"

"Her pay grade, she ain't sweating the holy water."

Sam seemed to pause for a moment, thinking about their new situation. After a minute, he nodded resolutely. "Okay."

Ruby turned to look at him confused. "Okay what?"

"Okay. It's finally time."

"What are you, Vague World Champion? Stop the riddles."

"It's finally time that you live up to your expiration date." Sam unexpectedly pulled the knife and held it to Ruby's throat as he pinned her to the back wall.

"What the hell are you doing?!" she screeched.

Dean was close behind just as confused. "Sam, what's gotten into you?! Since when are you part of the hate Ruby club?"

Ruby craned her neck to look Dean with a sarcastic sneer. "Nice."

Sam held her harder. "It's not Ruby."

Dean looked even more confused. "What?"

"I can see your real face," Sam said to the girl before him, "Lillith."

* * *

Well, there you have it. More to come obviously. See you soon! And this time I can promise that the next chap will be up within the week.


	8. Point of Know Return

So here's the next chapter. Technically the last since the next is an epilogue but whatever. So this is the final scene from 3.16, in my POV anyway. And yes, I know the word in the title is spelled 'Know' but that is the way the song by one of the best bands in the world, Kansas, is spelled. So, with that, ENJOY!!  
**P.S.-As I've said before, I put up a poll on my bio about my next SN story. Unfortunately, I already told a few people that I'd write a sequel to my other story for Saiyuki so I'll write that first then start on the next SN one. Please vote so I know what you guys want! (I'll most likely do all of them but I just want to see what you guys want next :D )**

* * *

Dean tensed where he stood, a grandfather clock chiming twelve and the sound of howling dogs in the background. "Sam what are you talking about? How can you can see…" He stopped and a light started to come on and different pieces of the long term puzzle began to fit into place.

Sam closed his eyes, knowing that the time for secrets had now passed. He turned his head back to see his brother looking like he had been betrayed in the worst fashion. And it killed him inside. "Dean, I—"

Before he could finish, they were thrown away from her, Sam against a wall, Dean on a table-top. Lillith then stretched her neck from its ordeal. "Well, you found me out," she said as she stepped closer to Sam. "I guess I should have expected as much. I mean, what with your so called 'powers' and such. Oh wait, you don't have them anymore, do you?" She pouted and stroked Sam's hair almost lovingly. "It's all locked away in that complex ball of mush you humans call a brain. Too bad. You just might have had a chance otherwise."

"Get off of him, you filthy whore!" Dean screamed. He was livid at the very sight of a girl all over his Sammy, demon or no.

She pulled away from Sam and turned her attention to the elder Winchester. "Such language. And from such a pretty mouth. Mmm, you look so tasty." She sighed and backed away from him. "Too bad you're off the menu for now."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Dean growled.

Lillith then looked from brother to brother, an expression of joy crawling over her features. "You haven't told Dean?" She laughed. "Oh, this is just too good! Even I wouldn't have had the creativity of having you keep such a big secret from big brother."

"What are you talking about?" Dean looked to Sam with shock and panic, hoping that waht he was thinking was completely wrong. "Sam, what is she talking about?"

Sam lowered his head, too ashamed and guilty to look at Dean.

Dean shook his head. "No. Oh, God no. Sam, please tell me you didn't do anything stupid."

Sam tried to open his mouth but his tongue felt completely dry. Lillith answered for him.

"I'm surprised you haven't figured it out by now," she said as she giggled. "For a Winchester, you're pretty dumb. I mean, if you can't figure out something as big as your little brother selling his own soul in a trade for yours, then—"

"_What?!_" Dean yelled as he looked to Sam again. "Sam you didn't. Please tell me you didn't!"

Sam couldn't even bring it upon himself to bring his head up. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just—"

"Hurt me? Hurt _me_? Sam, how could you?! Why would you do that?" he asked, tears of fear, anger, and terror welling in his eyes. "How could you be so stupid, Sam?!"

"I was trying to protect you!" Sam yelled back.

"That's my job, damn it! I'm the oldest! It's my job to protect _you_!"

"Not always! Not this time."

Dean turned to Lillith with a glare. "Switch it back. Now! Take me instead!"

Lillith shrugged. "No can do. Sammy upgraded his deal so no matter what anyone does, his ticket is completely permanent and completely one-way."

Dean turned back to Sam with a panicked and scared face. "Sam…why—"

"I couldn't do it, Dean," Sam interrupted. "I couldn't watch you die for me. Not for me." He smiled sadly. "You have so much more to offer than I ever did."

"What are you talking about?!"

"I know you've been thinking it and so has everyone else. My very existence will destroy the world. I mean my destiny since I was six months old was to bring hell to Earth, Dean. But you…Dean, you are one of the best hunters out there. You were meant to protect people. It's what you were born to do and you love it. I know you do."

"The only person I want to protect is you," Dean forced out. "That's why I made the deal, Sam. Why can't you see that?!"

Sam nodded solemnly. "I do know that, Dean. I know that you've been watching over me since before I was born. It's…" His voice caught in his throat. Now was the best time to tell his big brother his biggest secret, even if, Sam somehow lived through this ordeal, it meant Dean's resentment in return. He looked Dean in the eyes and said firmly, "It's one of the reasons I fell in love with you."

Dean's eyes widened as his jaw came loose of its hinges. Did Sam just…Had he really just said what he thought he had said? Did he just say that he was _in_ _love with him_? No, that couldn't be. He was just in too much shock. It was impossible. But when Dean looked back at Sam and saw that look in his eyes, that look of pure honesty and vulnerability and trust and most importantly love, he knew that he had heard correctly. Sam, his little brother whom he loved more than his own life, had just said that he was in love with him…after he admitted that he had sold his soul to the devil. His swollen heart cracked in extreme ecstasy and utter grief. How could this be happening?

Lilith drew the boys' attention back to her, now at the main door to the room, as she heaved a dramatic sigh. "As touching and _gross_ as this all is, I'd like to get down to business now. I have other people I need to kill, you know."

Dean's heart came crashing back to reality. "Please. Don't. I'll make another deal. I'll do whatever you want. Name it."

Lillith seemed almost to think it over before she smiled. "No, I like the whole Sam dying as you watch bit much more." She reached down and took the handle to the door in her hand then and twisted, a sadistic smile on her lips as she said in a sing-song voice, "Sick 'em, boys." She opened the door and the faint snarling sounded louder than before.

Dean started to struggle against his invisible restraints. "No! Sam! No, stop!"

The nails of the dog clicked on the wood floor as it stalked up to Sam. He stared at it with mostly fear, but there was a bit of stubborn determination there as well. He swallowed hard as the creature slowly made its way to him.

"Sam! No! Please don't!"

The dog snarled and then took a running start for its pray, barking and roaring all the way.

"NO!"

Sam closed his eyes and turned his head to the side out from instinct. But when the attack never came, he was hesitant to open his eyes.

Dean was breathing very heavily, looking terrified and confused, the only one in the room not able to see the creature and what it was doing. "Sam, what's happening?" he asked urgently.

Lillith was also confused as she stared down at her beast, up at Sam, then back. Pointing at Sam, she yelled, "Kill him! Tear him to shreds! I order you!"

But the beast didn't move. It merely stood at Sam's feet, staring up at him, its ears back and its tail not as high as it once was.

Sam opened his eyes fully and tentatively looked down to the hideous form below. It did not meet his eyes, however. Instead, it lowered its head and shoulders and whimpered as it slowly started to back away from Sam.

Lillith was furious. "Kill him! I said _kill him!_ Why are you afraid of him?!"

Sam was also confused until he realized that it was because of Azazel's blood in him. The hellhound was able to sense it and knew he was much more powerful than it. Sam resisted the urge to chuckle as he looked back up to Lillith who now had steam streaming from her ears.

Dean's breathing was still uneven but it was part in relief seeing that Sam's flesh was not sprawled across the floor.

Sam smirked. "Looks like your guard dog's been neutered."

"I don't understand," Lillith shakily said. "You made a deal. It's supposed to drag your soul to hell. The contract is iron-clad!"

"What can I say? I'm not one for hot weather."

Lillith shook as she glared fire at him. "Fine," she hissed out. "I'll just have to get my hands dirty and kill you myself."

Dean's heart rate picked right back up as he watched her eyes roll so only the whites of her eyes were visible. She lifted up her hand and faced it Sam's way. "…no…"

"See you back in hell, Sam Winchester."

Sam was confused at her choice of words but decided it was something to think about at another time."I would, but there's one more thing you don't know about me."

"I doubt it."

Sam then broke the bind she had on his body and wiggled his fingers to show his newfound control. "I learned a few new tricks."

Lillith's mouth dropped open as did Dean's. However, where her reaction was in shock, Dean's was in a mix of shock, anger, and pride. If they both got out of this alive, he was so kicking Sam's ass.

"Sam, what the hell else did you do?!"

Sam turned back to Dean with an almost guilty expression. "I'll explain later."

_If there is a later_, they thought simultaneously.

"How did you do that?" Lillith asked venomously.

Sam smiled. "Let's just say a little birdie filled me in."

Lillith looked baffled for a moment before realization dawned on her. "Ruby. That pain in the ass."

Dean made a mental note to also kick her ass if he ever saw her again, but for the moment, he was a little more focused on that his neck was starting to burn from holding it up from the table and as his head felt like a tennis ball the way it was bouncing back and forth between Sam and Lillith, his nerves completely on edge over the outcome. After all that's happened that day alone—and with the way his baby brother and one of the most powerful demons, both supposed underworld leaders, were staring each other down; Lillith with a set glare, Sam with a mocking smile—he didn't know what to expect.

"You think you can stop me with your little parlor tricks? I've been at this much longer than you ever will, light weight. You are so dead," Lillith said with a smile, though slightly uneasy.

"Go ahead and try, bitch."

Dean tensed as Lillith lifted her hand and surged it forward toward Sam.

Who didn't even flinch.

Lillith's surprise returned as she tried the maneuver over again, repeating a single word. "Back. Back. Back!"

He just walked toward her as she stepped back.

Sam's smile degraded into a grin as he looked to the side and eyed a dinner chair. As his eyes moved, so did the chair as it slammed into Lillith so fast, she didn't even have time to defend herself. She fell to the floor and scrambled to get back up, more afraid than before.

"How did you do that? How did _you_ learn it?!"

"How _did_ you learn that?" Dean added in.

"Not now, Dean," Sam reprimanded.

Lillith growled. "Now I'm pissed. No one gets away with making me pissed!"

Dean struggled against his bindings, trying desperately to get to Sam. He looked to his brother's reaction and was shocked to see him standing there indifferent. In fact, he even looked asleep. His eyes were closed, his body was still, and his breathing was steady. Dean didn't understand. He wanted Sam running out the door. Wanted him far away from here and from that demon wench.

A sudden wind started to pick up in the room whipping around each body making hair and clothes fly up.

"Oh, that so cannot be good."

Sam remained calm and tried to remember everything Ruby had taught him.

_Keep relaxed. Don't think. Just do. Feel everything around you and know your surroundings. Know what can be used against you and use it to your advantage. Understand your enemy and most importantly, know your own limits._

Sam felt a warmth start in his brow and spread over his skull and face, down to his neck and further still to his shoulders and chest. And with that warmth came the pain, the memories. It was difficult to keep his mindset where it was supposed to be but he had to stick it out. He couldn't stop now. If not for himself, than for Dean.

Sam then reached out his mental hand, felt for the single source that was the most powerful, and locked onto it. Just as his fingers wrapped around the source, he felt his brain start to sizzle. But he didn't let go.

Dean watched as Lillith suddenly started to gasp for breath and clawed at her throat as the wind died down a bit. He couldn't understand what was happening until he looked to Sam and saw him cringing in what he knew was pain. Unfortunately, he had seen that exact expression on his little brother a little too often and every time, it killed him a little bit more. This time was no different. He knew it was Sam that was doing…something.

"Sam!" Dean shouted as he resisted his bindings again.

Sam heard his brother's call but he ignored it, trying desperately to concentrate. If he let go now, he'd never get this chance again.

That was when a steady stream of blood started dribbling from Sam's nose. Dean's eyes widened in fear and panic. "Sam, don't! You're killing yourself!"

Lillith's complexion paled as she urgently tried to get the upper hand but she just couldn't over power Sam. He was even keeping her from leaving the body. She was trapped.

"Stop! It's not worth it!" Dean's lungs were aching as he kept yelling but he felt like he just wasn't being heard and it was paining him to see his world suffering like this. He closed his eyes and lowered his head against the table-top as tears he had been trying to hold back trickled from the corner of his eyes. "You bastard," he tried to yell but he no longer had the strength. "You selfish, lying, manipulative son of a bitch. You can't do this. You can't do this to me. You can't!" Finally, he used what little energy he had and screamed as loud as he could.

"_**SAM!!"**_

Sam's eyes shot open as his breath stopped. What was that? Was that…Dean? No, it couldn't have been. The his voice sounded so desperate and…Oh god, he had passed his own limits and was hallucinating. He didn't know how much more his body could take.

Lillith saw and felt that Sam had been distracted for just a second, but it was enough that she was able to break his hold of her as she stumbled back a few steps, blood dripping from the corner of her mouth. He fell back against the wall, sliding to the floor, coughing.

"This isn't over," she said, her voice raspy and weak. Just as Sam attempted to use his power again, she opened her mouth and screamed as black smoke came up her throat and out of the used body only to leave the house via the air vent right above her.

Sam knew he could contain her but he didn't have the strength. He'd have to work on the whole tolerance thing.

As all of the demon smoke left the girl's body, it fell to the floor limply and stared at the ceiling, relieved of its final burden.

The silence was nearly deafening as Sam and Dean just gazed at the escape route almost in awe.

However, it didn't last long as Sam started with the coughing again, though this time, it was accompanied with blood.

Brought back to reality, and wondering why the damn restraints hadn't gone away with Lillith the Bitch, Dean vainly fought to free himself once again. "Sam? Sam! You okay?"

Sam looked over to his brother. His eyes were teary from all of the coughing, but he could see that, thankfully, Dean didn't look hurt. Extending his arm, he moved it in a sideways motion before falling onto his arms so he was supported on all fours, still coughing.

Dean's arms and his legs were released as the bindings broke. He looked at his limbs in wonder for only a moment before he jumped from the table and raced to Sam's side, kneeling beside him. He took Sam's face in his hands and forced it up to look at his face.

"Sam, open your eyes for me, please. Sam?"

Sam let out one final cough, splattering the floor with red, before he licked his lips and opened his eyes to meet his brother's. His smile was small and mixed with pain and exhaustion, but it was there. "Hey."

Dean, though happy to hear Sam's voice and see his beautiful green eyes up close, couldn't find it in him to smile. Not just yet. "Are you okay? Where does it hurt?"

Sam attempted a laugh but it came out as more of a choking groan sound that Dean didn't much care for. "I'm okay, Dean. Just a little tired."

"Do you need a doctor?"

"No. I'm okay."

"Yeah? 'Cuz I think you need and X-ray of your brain."

"That's an MRI," Sam tried to tease, "and I'm good. Really."

"You sure?"

Sam nodded getting some of his strength back slowly. "Yeah."

Dean nodded back. "Okay." Then he drew back his arm and punched Sam right in the mouth.

Sam fell back and held his already aching jaw before he looked up to his now standing brother with an accusing glare. "What the hell was that for?!"

"What the fuck did you do, Sam?! Huh?! What, you go behind my back and switch the deal, something I explicitly tell you not to do?! You want to go to hell that badly, is that it?! Or maybe you just want to kill yourself by melting your brain! I can't believe you let Ruby teach you that crap! I told you it was bad news! I mean what the fuck?!"

"I saved your life, didn't I?" Sam yelled back, now also standing. "It's like I told you! You have more to offer."

"Oh don't give me that bull crap! You know you have just as much and more!"

"Right, because it wasn't my destiny to—"

"Stop! God damn it!" Dean yelled as he lowered his head and tried to breathe through his anger, his hands on his hips.

Sam just stared at him with a mixture of annoyance, guilt, and relief. It was over, mostly, and they were both alive. His head felt like a tossed out punching bag and a tour concert of Motor Head was blasting in his ears, but they were alive.

Dean was trying to sort through so much crap that his brain even felt jumbled. However, even with everything that had just happened and was just brought to his attention, there was one in particular that was nagging at him the most. Slowly, he brought his head up and stared at his brother who looked to be struggling just to stand on his own. After nearly a full minute, he finally built up the courage to ask something that had been eating him away for months.

"Sam." When his brother looked his way, he took a deep breath and asked with a shaky voice, "Were you telling the truth?"

Sam looked to be a little confused at the question. "Of course."

Dean was shocked to hear it come out so decisively. It made his heart speed and—

"I never meant to hurt you. I was just protecting you. Why would I lie about that? You're my brother."

Dean's heart sank lower than it had been before as he let out a frustrated breath. He should have known it was too good to be true. Looking back on it now, he might not have been so subtle about his feelings as he thought he had been and maybe Sam had picked up on it merely saying something he knew Dean had wanted to hear.

He shook his head and turned toward the door, his chest aching and the rest of him still plagued with anger. "Never mind. Let's go."

Sam watched Dean take a few steps in the other direction and closed his eyes knowing he was making a big mistake. One, he decided, he wasn't going to have to live with anymore.

"I also was telling the truth about the other thing."

Dean stopped walking and rubbed his brow in exasperation. "What are you talking about, Sam?"

"About my being in love with you."

Dean's whole body froze for several seconds before he turned to face Sam. "What?" he whispered.

Sam nervously shifted from foot to foot, and didn't have the courage to look his brother in the eye. "It's true. I uh…I'm in love with you." He let out an airy chuckle though there wasn't any humor in it. "I've _been_ in love with you since high school. Tenth grade, actually. Right after you beat up that Klien kid after he called me a—"

"Skirt wearing pansy," Dean finished, still shell-shocked.

Sam nodded hesitantly before he finally looked up but only at Dean's shoulder. "Dean I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I know that that was something you had never expected or maybe even wanted to hear from me, but there it is. And I know that you think it's wrong and terrible…hell, you probably think _I'm_ wrong and terrible, and I can understand if you don't want to talk to me again or—"

"Shut up."

Sam's jaw locked at those words waiting for the next punch.

Dean just stood there staring at his little brother's shaking form before he tentatively took the four steps so he was standing right in front of him. He remained there until Sam finally maneuvered his eyes so they were staring at each other in the same way. "Don't you ever say that," Dean hissed. "Don't ever just assume that I'd toss you out and never want to talk to you. You're my brother, Sam. I would never do that to you no matter how pissed off I am."

Sam smiled a bit, holding back the tears. That wasn't exactly the reason he had wanted to hear. "So you are pissed at me," he said softly, slightly regretting it after he said it and hoping Dean didn't hear.

"Hell yeah I'm pissed." Sam cringed, but the expression on Dean's face softened. "But not about that."

Now Sam was outright shocked. "You're not? Why?" _Oh, great question!_

Dean tried to come up with the words until finally he lifted his arms in a helpless shrug before letting them drop back to his sides and looked up to Sam vulnerably. "Because I'm in love with you, too."

Sam blinked rapidly in surprise. "W…What?"

Dean took in a deep breath, held it for a second, his mouth open, and repeated, "I'm in love with you."

Sam, again, was speechless…for a moment. "You are? Why? Are you sure? How? Since when? What—"

"Whoa, slow down there, Curious George. I can only processes one at a time. Yes, what the hell kind of question is that, yes, how the hell should I know, and…" He shook his head helplessly. "Sometimes it feels like forever. But I didn't realize until a few months ago."

Sam let out a breath of shock. "So, all this time, we…the both of us…how we felt...and neither of us saw it."

Dean smiled shakily. "You make us sound oblivious and a little crazy when you put it that way."

Silence enveloped them as they both tried to wrap their heads around…well, _everything_. Eventually, however, the silence started to get to the both of them, Dean in particular who started to fidget after enough time. Finally, he couldn't take any more.

"Listen, Sam. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the adrenalin rush from the little scene a few minutes ago or us talking about this now but…I don't think I've ever had the urge to kiss anyone, much less you, so much, and that is really saying something. So, would you mind if we passed the whole awkward formal thing and…"

Sam took that last step, took his brother's face in his hands, and crashed their lips together. Dean made a surprised noise before he overcame his initial shock and wrapped his arms around Sam tighter than he thought he should.

Skipping chaste, they both opened themselves to each other and started their long overdue explorations. Sam's wet muscle was using every scrap of energy to map out the other's mouth for future reference, and Dean's was just in it for the taste of his little brother and dear lord, but nothing tasted so sweet.

Just as that valuable thing most people know as air started to run low, they pulled away from each other but remained in the other's arms. Their eyes still closed, they basked in the amazing sensations just discovered.

"That was…"

"Yeah," Dean finished, licking his lips.

Sam's smile was watery as he stole a look into Dean's eyes. Up close, they were so much more beautiful than his dream could ever imagine. "I love you, Dean," he whispered out as a single tear escaped down his cheek.

Dean's smile was a little more reserved as he just basked in the feel of Sam's skin on his. "I love you, Sammy."

Sam's smile grew as he leaned in for another kiss...until he missed completely. Just as he was to make contact, his breath hitched and he started coughing again leaning on Dean for support he no longer had.

"Whoa, whoa," Dean warned as he tried to catch him but having to kneel on the ground. Taking Sam's face in his hands, he looked into his face. "Sam? Sam, talk to me, dude. You okay?"

Sam's answer was an unconvincing shaky nod and another series of coughs which made the blood come up again.

"Shit. Alright, c'mon, Sammy. We need to get you some help." Dean threw Sam's arm over his shoulder and hauled him up with what strength hadn't been zapped from the life-changing emotional rollercoaster they just departed and headed for the Impala.

* * *

Okay. Just the epilogue left and then we're done. And btw, the epilogue is where we get the Wincest and some...adult material. Excited? You should be. See you soon!


	9. Epilogue: Perfect Lover

Well, this is it. Last and final part of my story. I'm sorry it took so long just to finish the damn thing but it was fun. Hope all of you enjoyed. Thanks!! Enjoy!!  
**P.S.-I put up a poll on my bio about my next SN story. Unfortunately, I already told a few people that I'd write a sequel to my other story for Saiyuki so I'll write that first then start on the next SN one. Please vote so I know what you guys want! (I'll most likely do all of them but I just want to see what you guys want next :D )**Sam couldn't quite explain what he felt. He had never experienced anything like it. He felt like he was floating, which was comforting, but he also had that urgent sense of falling, which was not so comforting. However, there was a voice that was making its way into his brain. He knew that voice…Dean?

* * *

"_Stay awake, Sam. Sam? Come on, man. Stay with me!"_

Sam wanted to oblige but he just needed a few minutes of sleep. His head felt like it was in a merciless vice and his stomach wasn't sure if it was queasy or on the verge of being violently ill. He felt bad as he succumbed to the depths of unconsciousness for what he was probably putting Dean through, but he had no choice.

* * *

Sam opened his eyes to see blood everywhere. Each way he turned, there was the crimson color. His breath came quickly as he tried to get away but he couldn't move. He was stuck in the kneeling position, the smell making his nostrils burn.

"Well, well. Sammy Winchester." Sam looked over to see Lillith's true form in all its fugliness. "You think you've won?" she asked as she sauntered up. "You have no idea what I have in store for you." She stopped and started to circle him.

Sam wanted to scream at her that he was ready for anything but his mouth refused to form the words. Then he spotted something littered on the ground to his left he hadn't noticed before. Bodies. Dozens of them. He wasn't sure if he knew them but with his luck, he most likely did. Leaning over, he tried to get a better glance and when he did, his own blood ran cold.

He saw Max Miller laying with his brow pierced with the self inflicted gunshot wound. Next to him, and in a much similar condition, were Anson "Webber" Weems, and his twin brother, Andy Galliger, although he was just clawed up bad. Ava laid just past them, her neck twisted in a way it never should. Jake Talley with four bullet holes riddled over his body. Lilly with rope burns on her pale porcelain neck. Meg Masters, blood dripping from every orifice and just looking broken. Madison, her face looking just as perfect as it did but her body stained with blood oozing from the shot to her heart. Victor Hendrickson and Nancy Fitzgerald resting in a pile of their own blood. Bella Talbot, her body looking to have been ripped open by something with claws and teeth. Them and several others plagued the scene before him and Sam wanted to puke.

All of these people…he remembered each and every one as the people he had been able to save but didn't. His heart ached for them. _I'm so sorry…_

Then, to his right, the very sight made him want to take a gun to his own head.

John Winchester stood with accusing eyes and a haggard appearance. "Why didn't you shoot me?" he asked. "Why couldn't you have just paid attention to the road? Why didn't _you_ make _my_ deal? It was your fault! And as usual I had to pick up after your mess."

"Please, no…"

"Sammy?"

Behind John stood a woman around his father's age with blond hair and kind face.

"Mom?" Sam asked with an unstable voice.

"Sammy, why did he have to come after you? Why did it have to be me that was sacrificed? What did I do to disserve this?"

"Sam."

At that, Sam's whole body started to shake. Not that voice. Anything but that voice…

Turning so he faced straight, he saw Dean torturously standing directly in front of him. "You disgust me."

Sam shook his head. "No…"

"You're such a pain in my ass, ever since you were a kid. Always causing trouble for me and Dad."

"No."

"You think you're better than me? That you disserved the college, apple-pie life more than I did?"

"Dean…"

"Don't say my name, you'll tarnish it."

Then, large gashes started appearing on Dean's chest, arms, legs, and finally his face and Sam flinched with each rip, wanting to scream out.

"This is your fault. You make everyone around you die. This is all your fault."

Tears built in Sam's eyes. "Please stop…"

"I never want to see you're evil, manipulative, son-of-a-bitch mug again."

Sam's breath started to some quicker and more panicky. Hearing anyone say these things would have been painful, but hearing Dean say them was unbearable. His heart was breaking and he wanted nothing more than to rip it out and stop the pain.

Lillith then stepped out in front of Dean and smiled. "I'm going to rip you and your brother apart, piece by mouthwatering piece. You'll wish you had been dragged to hell." She leaned into his ear and whispered softly, "Sweet dreams." Before he knew what was happening, she was chomping down on his flesh and he began to scream in torture…

* * *

Sam gasped and would have sat up, but every ounce of his energy felt completely drained. Looking around frantically, he gathered that he was on a bed, now, in a dark room though still brighter than the world behind his lids so he had to squint for a moment. Not to mention his head felt like it had been split open in three places and had been stitched by someone who went to a butchering school. When his eyes finally adjusted to the new dim light, he quickly took a look around the room. It looked familiar. Hell, it even smelled familiar but the fog in his brain was keeping him from recognizing anything. Try as he might, he just could not put his finger on where—

"Mornin', son."

Sam sluggishly looked over to the door to see Bobby walk in with a blanket and a book. He almost groaned at how stupid he felt. How could he not recognize his own surrogate room? "Hey, Bobby," he answered, his voice low and raspy from the dry throat.

Bobby was quick to grab a glass of water from the table and held it up to Sam's mouth as he drank. The first few sips burned but after that, it was the most wonderful thing he could have tasted then.

"Slow down there, bud. Don't want you to get sick. Dean would have my ass on a platter."

_Dean…_

"De…Dean……where—"

Bobby jerked his head to the other side of the bed.

Sam turned his head painfully to see his big brother sitting in what had to be an uncomfortable chair in an even more uncomfortable position asleep, somehow. He let go a deeply relieved sigh and worked to hold back his tears. He wanted so terribly to hold his brother then but he was tired and Dean was asleep. He didn't want to disturb him. At least Sam could see him safe and looking, though a little worse for wear, restful.

"Finally dozed off 'bout an hour ago. He refused to sleep saying he wanted to be awake when you woke up but I guess his body got the better of him."

Sam never took his eyes off of Dean. That was just like his big brother. "How long…"

"Don't worry about it, Sam. You need your rest. Go back to sleep. Dean'll still be here when you wake up, I guarantee it."

Sam's eyes remained on Dean as he continued to think about his dream and what they had all said. He had had multiple dreams like that many times in the past; more often than not when his visions used to be an issue. But over time, he learned how to not listen to them. Though he couldn't help what emotions he felt riddled with during them, when he woke, he knew not to believe a word said. He knew Dean would never even so much as fathom those thoughts, even if it still hurt hearing and seeing someone in Dean's face saying them. He knew that Dean loved him, and now he knew that that love was more than brotherly, just like his own. With that last thought, and a small smile on his face, Sam eventually let his eyes close and again drifted off to sleep.

* * *

During this bought of unconsciousness, Sam remembered hearing voices now and again. Some angry, some alone, some together; he could almost recall even bits of conversation, hostile or not.  
He recognized Dean's voice and Bobby's. He thought he heard others' as well but he couldn't put a face to them.  
He also kept seeing bits and pieces of what felt like memories but he had no recollection of them. They were similar to what he saw and felt when he was training with Ruby and when he had used his power on Lillith.

Finally, he came awake again, this time not so groggily. He was still in the same room, though now he noticed that what light there was came through the sides of the closed curtains over the one window in the room, lined with a thick layer of salt on the sill and on the floor against the wall as extra protection. Same looked to the door, too: a salt line on the floor on either side of the jam.

He also took notice at how his head still ached, though compared to before, it was a mere throbbing.

Sam then looked over to see Dean asleep, once again, in that God-awful chair. This time he looked even more uncomfortable.

Though his butt was in the chair, Dean was leaned over so his head rested in his nest of arms on the bed, one of his hands entwined with Sam's. And from the heat and clamminess of it, he had to guess they had been that way for quite some time.

Sam tightened his grip on Dean's hand and stoked the back of it with the pad of his thumb, admiring the sheer strength in the appendage.

Dean, ever still the light sleeper, groaned as he tightened his eyes, rubbing them on his arm.

Sam chuckled.

Dean's head popped up at the sound and stared into Sam's smiling eyes.

"Hey, Dean."

"Sammy," he whispered out before nearly jumping onto the bed and embraced Sam tightly. "It's about damn time you woke up, princess," he said into Sam's hair. "Trying to scare my last ten years out of me?"

Sam smiled wider as he brought his arms around Dean as well. "'Cuz that was totally my plan. How long was I asleep for?"

"Two weeks."

"What? Really?"

Dean nodded as he pulled away. "Yeah. Well, Bobby said something about you waking up for a few minutes at one point but…"

Sam returned the nod. "What happened?"

Dean opened his mouth to answer but he didn't even know where to start. "Uh, well, what do you remember?"

Sam brought his hand to his head and looked to be thinking pretty hard. "I remember Lillith took over Ruby's body. She pinned us and set her dog loose but it wouldn't attack me. I used my…powers," he said for lack of a better word, "to trap her and almost sent her to hell before she got away. I remember it was painful."

"I'll bet it was. You started to bleed out of your nose, mouth, and later your ears. You had me worried sick."

"Sorry," Sam mumbled before getting back on track. "After that, it's pretty fuzzy."

Dean's chest tightened. Sam hadn't once mentioned their confessions to each other. Had he forgotten? Was it that unimportant to him? Or maybe there was some brain damage? Did it even happen?

"Hello. Dean?"

He looked up to see Sam with an expectant look on his face. "What happened after that?" Sam asked again.

Dean shook his head. "Um, like I said, you started to bleed everywhere. I got you to the Impala and I thought about taking you to a hospital but Bobby said it was a bad idea, too many questions, so we brought you here. It was pretty touch and go for a while. The whole first few days, you were in just straight nightmares, tossing and turning."

Sam thought about telling him what exactly it was that he had dreamt but he knew it was more for his brother's attention than anything else. He wanted Dean to put a hand on his arm or embrace him and tell him that that would never happen, that everything was going to be okay. Because when Dean said it, Sam believed it. But instead, Sam kept quiet. His brother had been through enough.

He then took this time taking in Dean's ragged appearance. "You look like shit. When was the last time you bathed?"

Dean scoffed. "You're not exactly a bed of roses yourself."

"But at least I have an excuse," Sam returned. "Now get your big head down here and kiss me already, would you? How much longer do I have to wait?"

Dean's shoulders looked to release a load of tension as he beamed and leaned in, pressing his mouth to Sam's eagerly. Dean's hand came up to lay on Sam's neck as Sam's rested on Dean's cheek. Just after it was staring to get heated, the sound of someone clearing their throat was heard from the doorway.

They threw themselves away from each other—well, Sam just sunk into the bed as much as he could as he could while Dean flew up into a standing position—as they both looked over to see Bobby leisurely standing there.

"Bobby," Dean choked out. "Um…it's not…we were just…"

Bobby started to smile a bit as he held up his hand. "No need. I get it."

Sam, just as panicked and now confused, furrowed his brow. "You…you mean you're not going to kill us?"

Bobby had to chuckle. "I'll admit, it took a bit of getting used to, even if I wanted to beat some much needed sense into the both of you about this, it wouldn't be my place. Who am I to say who you can and can't fall in love with? Besides, I'm surprised it took you two idjits so Goddamn long."

Sam and Dean shared a glance before asking simultaneously, "You knew?" both donning an expression of utter disbelief.

Bobby rolled his eyes. "You might as well have pointed red neon lights at yourselves. The mooning, sparing glances at each other, the occasional drooling. A little hard not to notice."

They both burned beet red from their hair to their shoulders.

"Anyway, I just came to tell you two that dinner'll be ready in ten." He looked to Sam pointedly. "If you don't feel up to coming out…"

Shaking his head, though whether it was to get out of his shock or to answer, even he wasn't sure. "No, I'm…okay."

Bobby smiled and nodded as he left the room.

Dean turned back to Sam. "That went a lot better than I pictured."

"Yeah," Sam answered just as dumbfounded.

The following silence lasted for all of five seconds before Dean climbed up onto the bed next to Sam and smothered him with his mouth, much catching up to work on.

* * *

Later that night found Sam and Dean naked in their bed after a wonderful two hours of play, the first of which was spent in hard fucking, releasing their pent up adrenalin, and restricted desire and lust after so many years of keeping their hands to themselves. The second was just being in the other's company, knowing that they were there together.

Dean lay on his back with Sam's head on his chest, seemingly asleep once again. Dean smiled as he softly rubbed his fingers up and down Sam's arm which was conveniently wrapped around his torso.

He then realized that Sam was quite awake and now fidgeting. It was small gestures at first. Then it progressed until it started to annoy the eldest.

"You got ants on you, Sammy? What's with all the squirming?"

Sam readjusted himself again before sighing in a sad way, his face scrunched in what looked to be puzzlement. "Just something that's been bothering me for a while."

"Care to share with the class?"

Sam was silent for several more moments before he finally folded. Lifting his head, he rested his chin on Dean's pectoral as he looked into Dean's eyes. "It's just…you were going to die without letting me know, even giving any kind of a clue, about how you felt. It just bothers me a little. I mean, why didn't you tell me?"

Dean raised his brow. "I could ask you the very same thing. It took you being on the brink of death thinking you weren't going to have to face me about it, so you don't have any excuse either, pal."

The corner of Sam's lips curved up a bit in a small smirk. "Touché."

The silence after that was slightly awkward. Dean didn't like the tenseness so decided to break it.

"So, since high school, huh?"

Sam nodded.

"How the hell did you hold it in for that long?" Dean asked with incredulity. "I mean I nearly went insane keeping it from you over just the past few months."

Sam chuckled. "It wasn't easy, I can tell you that much. And remember, I was away for four of those years."

"Cowardly bitch."

"I was a teenager, Dean," Sam tried to defend himself. "You and Dad were always so wrapped up in hunting. I didn't know how you'd react, and I didn't want to chance what relationship we had. I'd rather have you as an estranged brother than not have you at all. You were the most important person in my life."

Despite all that, Dean smirked as his heart grew that much more. "Were?"

Sam smiled back. "Were, are; same difference."

"Some might argue that point."

Sam shook his head as he stroked Dean's thigh. "What about you? You said you realized it a few months ago. What made you cross to the dark side?"

Dean heaved a heavy sigh as he looked back up to the ceiling. "I dunno. I guess if I had to pick a time, I'd say I started realizing it right after the demon ambush in the police station with Hendrickson. When you and Ruby kept looking at each other like you were having some kind of secret conversation, it pissed me off."

"You were jealous," Sam added, very amused.

"Shut up," Dean drawled. "The next day, when we were at the motel, I started thinking about why it got me so mad. Then I started remembering all the times in the past that I felt that same way until I finally understood."

Sam sobered before he asked hesitantly, "Were you mad?"

That caught Dean off guard. "Mad at what?"

Sam was silent for a moment. "When I realized what it was that I felt, I was angry."

Dean didn't quite know how to respond to that. He could have understood confused, or shocked, or dismayed. But angry? "So you realize you're in love with someone…and you get angry?"

"I don't know why, I just remember being so angry at everything. I thought that I was going crazy. I thought I was sick and twisted. I wanted to blame something or someone. I tried to hate you. I tried. But I just couldn't. Then I tried to hate myself, but that just made things worse. Eventually, I learned to accept it. But over time, I just got more and more scared that you or Dad or Bobby or someone would find out. I knew I couldn't let that happen so…I went to college."

Dean remembered a time that Sam was a little more hostile than he had been in the previous years. Actually, it was a while after he started high school that he noticed a change in…wait, what?! "That's the real reason why you left?"

Sam shrugged and started tracing designs on Dean's twitching muscles. "It scared me, dude. I knew it was wrong and I didn't understand how I could keep feeling that way. I didn't want to talk to you about it because I was so afraid you'd hate me or something. I didn't know what else to do. So I left. The hardest thing I ever did was walking away from you after you begged me to stay," Sam said in remorse. "Then I fell in love with Jess but even when I was with her, I couldn't stop thinking about what it would have been like if I had been with you."

Dean felt guilty that his little brother kept such a big secret from fear of his hatred, and warm that the same brother had always kept him within thinking distance.

"You know I could never hate you, Sammy."

Sam nodded. "I was just too afraid to see how far I could push that."

Dean wrapped his arms around Sam tighter. "Boy, we certainly are a pair, huh?"

Sam looked to Dean questioningly.

"I mean, here we are, brothers of the same blood, with a secret gay love for each other that neither of us brings to light until we're nearly middle aged."

"Whoa, whoa." Sam leaned up on his elbows to look Dean straight in the face. "Middle aged? Dude, I'm a whole four years younger than you and you still have another good fifteen plus years before then." Sam was silent then as he re-thought that statement. "Then again, with the way you run your life, you're probably right."

"And just what is that supposed to mean, bitch?"

"It means that you take too many damn risks with your life between hunting and boozing, which, by the way, is stopping now, jerk."

"Yeah? And why's that?"

"Because you have something else to live for now."

Dean would have rolled his eyes at such a girly statement but he needed Sam to know. He used his leverage and the element of surprise to twist their bodies so Sam was on his back and Dean was leaning over him staring dead into his eyes.

"You've always been my reason to live, Sammy."

Sam searched Dean's eyes then, as though probing for a lie or an untruth. Finding none, as he knew he would, Sam smiled slightly.

Dean leaned down so his mouth touched Sam's ear. "Always have been." He took his brother's lobe between his teeth. "Always will."

Sam craned his neck and tilted his head back as Dean started to suckle on the thin column. "Better be."

Dean grunted in acknowledgement as he bit onto Sam's neck, clearly marking him as his.

_I dare anyone to even try to fucking touch him now._

Kissing the now bruised skin, Dean licked his way up so he could nibble on Sam's jaw line.

Sam smirked. "Hungry, Dean?"

"Can't help it. Taste too damn good."

"God, you're insatiable," Sam chuckled as he tried to arch into Dean.

"Only with you," Dean growled. He then started in at the corners of Sam's mouth as the said man started to moan. Dean granted him what he wanted and pressed his lips to Sam's in a heated kiss as he opened up to the invasion.

Dean impatiently took advantage of the opening and delved in, loving the taste of his younger brother. He couldn't get enough. He was even willing to call himself addicted…though not out loud in the presence anyone but Sam.

Sam then pressed his hands to Dean's back bringing him down so he could feel more of his skin. Each place of contact was like fire and Sam wanted to be consumed completely. Dean was more than willing to oblige as he aligned their bodies and rubbed once.

Sam gasped into the kiss as their groins slid along one another, the friction making Sam's half hard member jump to life completely.

Dean smiled. "Well someone's happy."

"Like you're not," Sam shot back as he tried to get that friction again, anything to elicit that pleasure once more.

"Calm down there, Sammy. I'm getting there," Dean sniggered at Sam's eagerness.

"Can't help it," Sam repeated. "Feel too damn good."

"Don't I know it."

Sam sighed then at Dean's cockiness. He had enough ego to fill the Tachmahall. But Sam couldn't get over that no matter how much he acted all big, bad, and tough, Dean was the most loving person he had ever known. After dinner, they had pretty much holed themselves in the room and during that time, though most of it was rough and more or less territorial and frantic, Dean had been careful to make it all the more enjoyable for Sam. He was always making sure he wasn't hurting him with silent glances and hushed assurances.

Sam was brought back at the prodding of Dean's fingers on his lips. "Open up for me, Sammy."

He smiled wickedly before doing as bided. Once he closed his lips around Dean's appendages, he closed his eyes and moaned as he ran his tongue over, around, and between the three fingers, lathering them up.

Dean couldn't hold in his own moan if he had wanted to as he felt a shiver run through his spine. "I swear, you've got an angel's face but the devil's mouth."

Sam smiled as he let Dean's fingers go with a pop. "Gonna talk about the job _now_?"

"Oh hell no," Dean grumbled before he inserted his index finger into Sam's opening, not wanting to waste any time.

Sam cringed at first but he took the slow and steady breaths he found made it easier for the first while. Plus, Dean's hand stoking his chest helped a lot. "Gonna be okay, Sammy. I've got you," Dean mumbled, earning him a nod in return.

After another minute or so of adjustment, Dean pulled back and added his middle. The pain in Sam's face wasn't as bad this time. He then took that time and found that special spot inside his baby brother that…

Sam's back arched as his head tilted back and his mouth opened in a full out moan.

Dean smiled. He had made quick time in memorizing its exact location during their first time. He pulled back again and added a third, finding that spot once again and even had Sam mewling as he tortured other parts of his body with his unoccupied hand and mouth.

"You ready?" Dean asked looking down at Sam's face, searching for any telltale signs of discomfort.

"Was the last three times,"Sam panted.

Dean had to smirk. "Smart ass."

"You'd know."

Dean shook his head before he reached under the pillow where he had stashed the lubricant. Popping the top, he lathered his member just enough and tossed the tube onto the floor, forgotten but only for the moment. He then leaned back over Sam and stared into his face. He only had to look once and his breath caught.

Now, at this angle, the light that came through the window lit up parts of Sam's face and made his skin glisten in its damp state. He had never looked more stunning.

"Dean? You okay?"

He nodded absently. "Yeah…yeah, I'm…"

Sam looked up at him with a slightly confused expression, his breathing starting to calm, before Dean brought his hand up and cupped his cheek softly.

Dean was silent for another moment. How the hell could he have waited so long to hold Sam like this? How had he not been trying with everything he had to be able to touch him like this?

"You know I love you," he whispered suddenly.

Sam hesitated before smiling faintly. "Yeah. I love you, too."

Dean just continued to stare down at Sam before he swept down and captured his lips in a lazy kiss.

Sam was slightly surprised at the gentleness but reacted in the same manner.

Dean took that moment as he positioned himself and pressed into Sam. The younger's body twitched at the sudden invasion as he sucked in a breath around the kiss. Dean continued to ease his way in, slow and steady.

Sam's heart started to race and his need to be surrounded by Dean intensified. He wanted to press himself so close, he was practically a part of him. Dean's pants hitched as he tried to breathe in. Feeling Sam this way was so passionate he felt himself losing strength but empowered at the same time.

Once fully sheathed, Dean stopped for a moment, waiting for the both of them to catch their breaths. Dean buried his face in Sam's neck, greedily talking in the aroma of a sex ridden Sam and loving every mouthwatering second of it.

When Sam tightened his hold on Dean's back, he took that as a sign that he was ready for…no, _needed_ more. Dean couldn't agree more.

With that, he picked himself off and stared Sam down in his eyes as he slowly slid himself out, watching Sam react. He almost removed himself completely but stopped for only a second before delving back, a little faster than before, Sam arching for a second time. He pulled out and pushed back in the same manner. Eventually, he worked their bodies in a slow, rhythmic tempo, one that drove them even further over the edge than the last several times.

This was different. This was more intense, more zealous, more intimate. Their newly discovered slow pace let them truly _feel_ the other in a way fast and hard never would allow. This time was purely for pleasure and proclaiming their love for the other words would fall short of. This time was to ensure that they were both there, in this together for the long run. This sealed their silent promise.

Sam felt completely out of control of his own body. He numbly pulled Dean down again so with each thrust. Their entire bodies felt the friction, adding to the experience.

Sam, needing to feel more of Dean never having enough, started to push back against his thrusts, pushing him deeper, making him moan and Dean growl in bliss.

Dean reached between them and gently clasped Sam's cock firmly, using his pre-ejaculate to easily slide his hand up and down. Sam turned his head to the side and panted harder. God, he felt like his whole body was going to implode and it was incredible. He had never felt so…he couldn't even think of a word for it.

Dean used his newly discovered techniques to bring his brother over the edge as he loved to do. "Come on, Sammy," he grunted. "Come on. Almost there."

One of Sam's hands moved up to grab at Dean's hair like an anchor to reality as he lost himself to the throes of it all, coming thick and heavy in Dean's hand.

The look on Sam's face was enough for Dean as he pressed in thrice more before unloading inside Sam. They both shook as they rode out the last few moments of their shared orgasm.

Dean's arms started to shake under his weight and folded as he flopped down onto Sam's chest, both panting heavily. Once he got his breathing under control, he leaned over the side of the bed and took up the already dirty shirt to wipe off his hand, then Sam's chest and ass before throwing back to the floor.

Lying back on the bed, Dean couldn't stop his smile as Sam curled up into him, snuggling his face right under his chin. Dean tried not to react to Sam's warm breath washing over his skin but damn it was hard, even with as tired and worn out as he was. _I really am insatiable,_ Dean thought as he chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Sam tiredly asked.

"Nothing. Just thinking about how cute you look right now."

Sam was silent for a moment before he came back with a half-asleep mumble of, "M'not….cute…"

Dean opened his mouth to make a playful jab but Sam was already fully asleep. Oh well. He'd make sure he's poke some fun in the Impala tomorrow.

Dean kissed the top of Sam's hair and wrapped his arms tighter around him as he settled in for sleep, as well. "Night, little brother."

* * *

Okay, okay, so I'm a hopeless romantic. I thought it needed some fluff. Plus I needed some lovin' right about now. So sue me……not really…

**Don't forget to vote in the poll located on my bio!!**

Thanks again!


	10. Thank Yous Are Best Saved For Last

Another story, over and done. I had fun, except with the part about the long update. Sorry again, about that. Life just loves to shoot people in the ass, huh?

Anyway, this 'chapter' is just to thank the many people that disserve it.

Thank you to: Azure the Dragonlady, Bandwitch, Daelyte, DarkandtwistyGirl, anonymous emma, anonymous FB edit, Moonfairyhime, anonymous nootia, anonymous Red Dragon, and SupernaturalGal6 for all Reviewing my story.

Thank you to: Alice Rene, Earthbound-Satyr, ESurnaturel, iamarebel, Kenny McCormick401, Shaarlyn, The Scars You Can't Forget, the-marauderette, and YoukaiMassacre for all Favoriting my story.

Thank you to: abalone1, Arid Tundra, Avirin, badlevel50percent, DarkToy, DarkandtwistyGirl, deafcarol, eddy6401, hindsight2020, irishgirl9, LittleEmma, milael, Onthnis, Slightly Concusses, spikesgal2000, Spooker, Stacee Phelps, and twilight star 216 for all adding my story to your Story Alerts List.

Special thank you to: SUPERNATANGEL67 for Favoriting and adding my story to your Story Alerts List.

Special thank you to: kirallie and mahak for Reviewing and Favoriting my story.

Special thank you to: 1Pagan3, Ali James, Conventina, Poaetpainter, sentaria, Star Mage 1, and xxanglegrl92 for all Reviewing and adding my story to your Story Alerts List.

And finally, a very special thank you goes out to: BlackAngel00OfTheNight, Creeno, samantha-dean, and Stompy Bigfoot for all Reviewing, Favoriting, and adding my story to your Story Alerts List. I greatly appreciate it.

Also, thank you to all of the ghost readers and those who read the story after; you are a part of the reason I write, as well. You're just as important. D

Thank you everyone and please, do not forget about the poll on my bio. It will be up for the next while as I write the sequel to 'Unlikely Romance.' Ask your friends to vote, people you think would be interested. Please and thank you, again, guys! See you next time!!


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